We Meet Again!
by Shyloe
Summary: Bella, he knows you." Whispered Edward. I already knew that. The minute he came into view it all clicked. How could i have not realized it sooner. The object of my obsession for the past 11 years, was standing in front of me. looking exactly the same.
1. Ch1 Scared!

Stephenie Meyer Owns There Characters!

**Chapter 1: Scared!**

**8 Year Old Bella's POV**

**I was going home from my friends place, her and her brother were supposed to walk me, but my friend and I got into a fight. She wanted to borrow my shoes and I told her I wasn't allowed. She didn't like that. She yelled at me, and told me that if I was her true friend I would let her. She said she hated me. I was so upset I got my stuff together, and ran out of the house. I didn't tell her parents I was leaving I just ran out, I didn't want Jessica to see me cry. Sometimes she could be so mean.**

**I was running down the street, my house was only 3 blocks away, forks was small, everyone lived close by.**

**I was a block from home when I heard a loud growl. My heartbeat quickened and I started to run. I heard loud stomping behind me. When I turned around there was a massive grizzly bear behind me. His eyes looked demonic. The bear lifted his paw above his head ready to strike. I closed my eyes tightly, waiting for the inevitable to happen. I heard a loud thump and a howl of what sounded like pain. When I opened my eyes. The bear was laying on the ground, dazed. **

**There was a pale figure over it. He had long blonde hair in a low pony tail. His hands were on the bears neck, and then he twisted it. I heard a sickening snap and I jumped. This pale man was strong. **

**The man jumped up quickly, and came to stand in front of me. He looked into my eyes and I realized he was not normal. His eyes were blood red and he looked menacing. **

"**Go home little girl, you shouldn't be out here alone." I was too frightened to move. He had no shirt on and he had filthy looking jeans, I looked at his feet and realized he had no shoes. He seemed unnaturally beautiful. Like my Ken Barbie doll but with long hair. But even then, my Barbie didn't seem to be a good enough example. **

"**I said leave NOW child." He growled at me. I jumped then and remember how to run. I turned and bolted. Tears were running down my face. I kept tripping on everything. I was so angry with my stupid clumsy self. When I got inside. Charlie my Dad was on the phone. "Oh good she made it she just walked in. Thank you so much for calling… yes yes thank you, have a good night." **

**I walked into the kitchen knowing I would get a disapproving look from my father, but the minute he seen me his face went from disapproving to worried. I had tears streaking down my face, and dirt on my hands and knees. "Isabella what happened are you ok."**

**My dad ran over to me running his hands up and down my arms I shook my head and started to cry louder. He pulled me into a tight hug and asked me what happened. **

**After I calmed down, I told Charlie what happened, from Jessica saying she hated me, to the beautiful and strange looking man that saved me and then yelled at me. Charlie looked disbelievingly at me when I told him the man broke his neck. But he knew I couldn't lie. **

**Ok now Bells, how about you go run yourself a bath sweetie, and I am going to call the Stanley's back to let them know about there daughter's horrid behavior. I nodded and sniffled. I walked up the stairs and into my room. When I got there my window was open and the blonde haired man was standing by it. He looked really mad at me, and I was about to scream, but when I opened my mouth, the man was all of a sudden in front of me and his hand clamped painfully over it.**

"**Listen to me and listen to me good little girl. You will not tell anyone else what you seen, or anything about me. The next time your father asks you about it, you tell him you were just scared and you don't think there really was a bear or a man. If you do tell anyone else, I will come back and I will kill you. Understand?" His voice sounded mean but also very smooth. I nodded frantically at him, he removed his hand slowly. "Good girl." and then he was gone.**

* * *

**The next day when Charlie asked me about what happened in detail, I told him I didn't think it was real, that I was scared of walking alone and spooked myself. I could tell he didn't believe me but after a full hour of trying to convince him, he gave up and told me that telling those kind of stories is very bad and not to do that again. I said I was sorry to him and he gave me a quick hug. I got ready for school, and walked the two blocks to get there. It didn't seem so scary with the sun up. **


	2. Ch2 Growing Up!

**Stephenie Meyer Owns these Characters!!**

**Enjoy**

Chapter 2: Growing Up!

15 Year Old Bella's POV

Here I am laying on my bed writing in my journal at 3 in the morning, after waking up from dreaming of _him_ yet again. Long blond hair tied back. Pale skin shimmering in the moonlight. Built nicely, Red eyes, Dirty jeans, bare feet.

Its always him but its never the same dream, sometimes he will be walking beside me holding my hand with a slight smile, eyes glowing red, but instead of feeling intimidated I felt soothed, but most of my dreams he looked angry and his anger was always directed at me. Tonight he was angry. Always yelling and pointing his finger accusingly at me. I could never hear what he was saying, always sounded like I was under water, everything was a garbled mess.

I have drawn his picture at least a hundred times, at first when I was younger it looked nothing like him, but the older I get, the better I get at drawing, the closer I get to drawing his picture perfectly.

17 Year Old Bella's POV

High school was hell for me, I had another year to go, it was my first day back and summer vacation was boring as hell. I didn't have many friends, I was always so preoccupied drawing, or writing. I had a hard time interacting with people my own age. My mother left when I was 5 and I grew up quickly after that. So I was like a 30 year old trapped in an adolescent teenagers body. Ugh this sucks.

I walked into Biology after lunch and sat at the only seat available, right beside the new kid. He had reddish hair, he was pale, golden eyes, and beautiful. He looked like he wasn't human. My breath caught in my throat. The pale boy looked at me alarmed, like he knew what I was thinking. Fuckin creepy.

Whatever he was he was not human. What is he. After school I was walking toward my old beat up truck when someone stepped in front of me. I stopped quickly looking up at the intruder of my personal space. It was another one of the new students, just as pale, exact same color of eyes, but they were adopted? She was smiling brightly at me. I grimaced back. "Hi I'm Alice. Are you Bella?" She reached out to shake my hand, I took it tentatively and she was freezing cold. I tried to pull away but she held on tighter. I pulled harder, but she kept squeezing.

I gasped loudly. "What the fuck, let me go NOW." People were starting to look at what was happening between us. She narrowed her eyes at me.

"You keep your mouth shut about our family we are not moving again, you even try to breath a word and I will break your fucking legs." I was petrified, and frozen.

"What the fuck Alice, let her go NOW." Edward bellowed out from behind me. Alice dropped my hand and I cried out, clutching my hand to my chest. Tears streaming down my cheeks.

I took the opportunity to run to my truck. I got in, and fumbled with my keys. Finally starting it. I took off like a bat out of hell. I didn't look back and I did not look in that crazy bitch's direction again.

When I got home Charlie's cruiser was in the driveway. I walked inside and called him. "Dad what ya doin?" He came around the corner and seen me cradling me hand.

"Bella are you ok? What happened?"

"I would love to tell you Dad, but I'm afraid you might laugh at me." I lied "I think it might be broken, can you drive me to the hospital?"

Charlie shook his head and grabbed his keys. "Come on Bells lets get it checked."

I was sitting on one of the E.R. beds and sure enough the Doctor that came in was Dr. Cullen, the new and fucking crazy kids', foster dad. Charlie stayed in the waiting room and I was almost wishing he was here with me now.

"Hello I'm Dr. Cullen, and you must be Isabella. What seems to be the problem" He looked up at me and smiled. Sure enough pale skin, golden eyes. I rolled my eyes at him. How obviously different they were, how did nobody notice.

"Well Dr. Cullen." I said in a sickly sweet voice. "Why don't you ask your foster daughter Alice." He looked at me shocked obviously not comprehending. So I said very slowly. "She shook my hand and then threatened me about telling people shit about your family. I guess not everyone is as observant as me."

Dr. Cullen shook his head and looked at my hand he went to turn it over and I cried out in pain. Dr. Cullen was talking under his breath. "I am so sorry Isabella, I do not know what got into her.

I would ask that you refrain from telling anybody about our difference, we mean no harm, and we just moved here." I scoffed at his statement _mean no harm_ I pointedly stared at my hand, and dear ol' daddy doctor cleared his throat. "She isn't usually like this, I really am sorry."

"Whatever Dr. Cullen, I wont say shit, can you just cast this fucker?" Dr. Cullen nodded and reset it then put a cast on it.

The next day Edward followed me around like a lap dog. He answered certain questions, he can read minds, but he cant read mine anymore, he said he could the first day, and now its gone. Thank fucking god for that. Creepy much.

Alice came and apologized to me. I just nodded and walked away. I really didn't want to be around her she made me feel uneasy. The other three Jasper, Emmet, and Rosalie. Kept to themselves. Emmet seemed to smile a lot from what I seen, but other than that they never approached me nor I them.

18 Year Old Bella's POV

I was sitting in my room at 4 in the morning staring at the picture I had just finished. It was perfect, I had finally gotten every detail right. After 10 years of trying, I finally got it. I smiled at it. Tracing his jaw with my fingers. I heard a tap at my window and looked up. Sure enough there is Edward at my window. I put the sketch back in my folder and into the night stand. Edward knows that is my private shit.

He and Alice told me what they were. Living, breathing vampires… ok ok not actually living and not actually breathing, but definitely vampires. I wasn't really shocked. I knew it was something fucked up.

Alice and I have gotten close this past year. So have Edward and I. We were now a couple, but without the sex, and groping, and we barely kissed. He was always afraid of hurting me.

Rosalie avoided me. Emmet was like a big brother, and Jasper was quiet and reserved. He could feel and influence emotions so it was a little intimidating. Alice could see the future, but it always changed.

Watching them play baseball was the coolest thing ever. I practically squealed every time they mentioned a thunder storm.

We were finishing up the last week of school, and then off to college. I had decided to do to the college in Seattle. I wanted to be a writer. Edward wanted to follow me wherever I went which was fine. He was crazy attached to me. But no matter how much I cared, I always felt like this was only a chapter in my life. Like I was meant for something different.

_**OK I know slow beginning I don't know how well this story Is going to be.**_

_**Let me know what you think.**_

_**Review please!?!**_


	3. Ch3 Party!

**Stephenie Meyer Owns These Characters!**

**Enjoy!**

Chapter 3: Party!

19 Year Old Bella's POV

I was in my second year of college, and I was lovin it. Edward on the other hand, not so much. I liked to go to parties. I liked to drink. When I drink I smoke. Edward tried to tell me I wasn't allowed to. Well I sure put him in his place. The damn vampire was practically cowering in the corner.

I have kind of turned into a bitch. I don't like putting up with peoples shit. Alice and I aren't as close, but Rosalie and I respect each other. Jasper is still quiet and keeps his distance, and Emmet actually comes with me to party. It takes him a lot to get drunk, I mean a lot. I mean two big bottles of vodka and Emmet felt a slight buzz. He is a hoot. Drunk or sober Emmet and I get along great.

We were headed out to a big house party. Edward and Alice decided to come with us so of course so did Jasper and Rosalie. The party was out in butt fuck nowhere, and it would take us 45 minutes to get there. We had no idea who was throwing the party, Emmet had heard someone talking at school.

When we got to our destination I was ready to shake my ass. The house looked fair sized from the outside. There were 2 floors and the entrance everyone was using was the second floor. So we walked up the flight of stairs and through the door. It was poundin inside. There were people everywhere, some making out, some people drunk and stumbling, they all looked absolutely pissed drunk, I was told the booze would be supplied, they must have had a lot. I walked out of the main room in search of the kitchen, to find booze. I was not disappointed, there was liquor bottles on every surface, all strong liquor. I was in my glory, I mixed something strong and chugged it back. I made a second drink. I was about to chug that one back too when Edwards hand shot out to stop me. I growled and turned to glare at him.

"You don't need to get drunk the second we get here Bella, slow it down." I rolled my eyes but lowered my hand so I wasn't holding it to my lips. I walked out of the kitchen to head to the bedroom that had music pumping. When I got to it, the room was actually quite big. Definitely a master bedroom. There was no bed, instead there was a crazy sound system set up and people were dancing on the floor. I walked over to the guy controlling the music and asked him to play a lil rock n roll. He nodded and I turned to walk away. The family was right beside me so I figured I would pull Edward out to grind against him. Make him all hot and bothered. I have been trying to get in his pants for several years but have pretty much given up. I am still a virgin and I was not happy about it.

I was standing facing the door when someone very familiar walked in. "Bella, he knows you." Whispered Edward. I already knew that. The minute he came into view, everything clicked, how could I have not realized it sooner. The Object of my obsession for the last 11 years was standing in front of me. Looking exactly the same.

"So we meet again." Was his smooth and sexy voice. He looked just as dangerous and menacing as he did all those years ago. I could feel my heart kick into high gear, my body started to shake, and all I wanted to do was run my hands over his face, and run away screaming at the same time. I wanted to look under his leather jacket to see if he still had that amazing body, that I couldn't appreciate at my young tender age of 8. My eyes were traveling greedily over his entire body, and when I heard Edward growl from beside me, my head snapped back up to his face. "Well haven't you grown into a beautiful young woman."

My face flushed. Edward let a snarl out and I rolled my eyes. "This isn't a party, this is a feeding ground." Said Edward. James eyes flashed and Emmet pulled me back against him.

"Time to get outta here Bells. The only reason there is a party here is because some vampires want a meal. Drink from a drunk person, and a vampire will get drunk. This house is a bar and these people are the beverages." My face paled and I nodded slowly, I knew I shouldn't stay there no matter how much I wanted to talk to that handsome monster in front of me. Emmet threw me on his back and we flew out of the house, with the rest of the family right behind us.

As we were getting in the vehicle I heard my nameless villain call out. "See you soon." Edward pulled me into the back seat placing me on his lap.

"How in the fuck does he know you? How are you still alive after encountering him?" Edward was looking at me with crazy eyes.

"He saved my life when I was 8." I said simply. Edward's eyes went wide. I shrugged my shoulders. "He told me if I ever told anyone than he would kill me. So I haven't told anyone since then."

"Tell me everything, every little detail Bella." Edward trying to be controlling I narrowed my eyes, I would not tell him anything. Whatever happened between him and I would be between us, unless of course Edward picked it out of his brain.

"It really has nothing to do with you Edward, nor will it give you any crazy insight on him. So just stop. He saved my life and you are pissed? Think about it this way, if he hadn't I would be dead. So fuckin drop it." Edward was silent after that, and I was ready to get back to my place, and be alone.

"Do you want me to come in tonight?" asked Edward, I'm sure he knew my answer.

"No not tonight. Later guys." I exited the vehicle and ran inside.

When I got in I locked my door, and went to run a bath. I was pissed that I didn't get to drink much tonight, but at the same time I was glad that I got to see his face clearly. After all these years and here he was. I wanted so bad to go back and see him. But I knew if I did I would most definitely become the meal.

I got ready for bed and lay down on top of the covers. I pulled out my folder from my bedside table and opened it up. I had gotten all of the details right, from his perfect chiseled jaw, to the curve of his eyebrows, his nose, his mouth. Fuck I had gotten everything right. But there was something missing, the sparkle in his eyes, the amusement in his voice. I had worked so hard on it and now that I had gotten to see him again, the picture paled in comparison. I put it back in its folder and back in the drawer, I didn't want to see this shitty imitation of him, I wanted to see him. I turned my lamp off and fell into a restless sleep.

I woke up an hour later to a loud bang. I bolted up and turned my light on. One of my journals was laying on the ground in front of my bookshelf. It was tucked away on my top shelf. I ot up and started to look around frantically. "Edward Cullen if that's you trying to go through my personal shit, I will end you." I said through gritted teeth.

There was a menacing laugh behind me that definitely wasn't Edward's.

_**Ok there ya go. I had this great story in my head and it is nothing like it was supposed to be. We will see where it goes. Hope you enjoy!**_

_**Review, tell me what you think.**_


	4. Ch4 Why?

**Stephenie Meyer Owns These Characters!**

**Enjoy!**

Chapter 4: Why?

Bella's POV

I turned around to where the laugh was coming from, and there he was standing not even 5 feet away. I was the one who wanted to see him, I guess it is kind of my own fault. I wanted to get to know him. But I knew he was coming to end my life. I had never wanted to know someone's name so bad. Maybe I would know it before he ended me.

"How peculiar it is, after all these years, we meet again. Don't you think Isabella? I have lived several hundred years I never thought that I would come face to face with you again. With vampires no doubt. Did I attract you to my kind, or is it in your blood to like cold hearted creatures?" I didn't know how to answer that, because I didn't know. Was it because of him that I was interested in hanging with my vampire family. I shrugged, not trusting my voice to speak. He laughed and stepped closer. I backed up until my back hit my book shelf, my newest journal falling down and hitting me in the head, it then fell on the floor open face down. My heart started beating faster, I really didn't want him to see my journals, especially this one. Not only did it have pictures of him all over it, it also had thing written, dream I have had of him. I only hope that he would not be interested in looking at it.

"What- what do you want from me." I stuttered out, hoping to distract him from my journal. His eyes snapped up to me once again, and a lazy grin crossed his face. He looked down once again at the blue journal at my feet _damn it_ "What's your name?" I all but yelled in his face. He looked back up at me looking frustrated. He obviously knew I was distracting him _FUCK_.

"James." He said as he squatted down. _James_ that name suited him, I thought to myself. James reached out and snatched my journal. I groaned and I could feel my face heat up. James looked up at me and smiled. "Something embarrassing in here, Isabella?" I just closed my eyes wishing my journal would combust into flames. No such luck of course. I opened my eyes just as James, turned the journal over. His black eyes grew wide and he looked up at me. "What is this Isabella?"

I didn't know what to say. _Well for the past 11 years I have been a little bit obsessed with you, trying to get your face just right. _"I-I was trying to get your features right." I said stupidly. He narrowed his eyes and his hand shot out. He grabbed my throat and squeezed slightly. I could still breath, but it was a struggle.

"I mean Isabella, why are there drawings of me all over your personal belongings?" I felt like such a moron. Why did I draw his face all over my shit. Why did I always have to draw him. I shook my head back and forth not wanting to explain to him my fucked up obsession.

He reached forward and started pulling all my journals down with his free hand. Opening pages, seeing more of him, some were from when I was younger and the drawings were awful, but you could still tell it was him, I knew he could tell.

He was getting angrier with every journal he looked through. He would growl and squeeze tighter. I was clawing at his hand trying to get him to loosen his grip so I could breath. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Please." My voice was barely a whisper, but he heard me. He removed his hand from my neck and I fell to the floor coughing and sputtering. Gasping for breath. By the time I had caught my breath and was done with my coughing fit I looked up and James was gone.

I looked around frantically. I ran from my bedroom/living room, to my tiny assed bathroom. He was gone. My window by my bed, was now open, I could feel the breeze. I walked over and looked outside. There standing across the street looking at me was James. A loud ferocious growl ripped out of his throat, and he spun around and disappeared into the forest behind him.

I felt awful, tears started pouring out of my eyes. I should have been happy that he didn't kill me, I should have been happy that he left. But instead I felt awful. I wanted to scream for him to come back. I really was a masochist.

I don't know why he didn't kill me. Something he seen in my journals, obviously my obsessive behavior towards him, stopped him from wanting to kill me. I walked over to the book shelf and started putting all my journals away, not worrying about an order.

I had 22 journals in total one was sitting in my desk drawer, it still had blank pages. I had 21 on the shelf. I wrote so much and drew so much that I had to get a new one every six months. And I had started keeping a journal after James had saved my life.

As I put the journals back I realized that there was only 20 journals. One was missing. I frantically ran around my room, thinking maybe he flung it. But it was gone and it was my newest one, the first one he had looked at, the one I really did not want him touching.

My face went red as I thought back to the dream I had written down. It was a very physical sexual dream, of James and myself. I wrote every single detail, never wanting to forget about how wonderful it felt. I remembering waking up alone and feeling so alive, and so lonely.

I lay in my bed, tears still flowing. I laid there for hours wishing desperately for sleep to take me. Finally at 5 in the morning my eyes closed and I fell into a uncomfortable, and exhausting sleep.

I woke up to a very loud persistent knock on my door. "Bella wake up right now!" It was Alice, damn pixie. It was Sunday, I wanted to sleep in, especially after my night.

"Go the fuck away Alice, I'm sleeping. Come back later, or not at all." I yelled at her. I heard her huff on the other side of the door and stomp away like a petulant child. One thing about me is if I say no I mean no. No matter how much begging you do. Alice learned that the hard way. When I tell her to leave me alone. She now does. I looked over at the time and it was 8 in the morning. I threw my pillow over my head and drifted back to sleep.

I woke later to my cell phone vibrating against my side table. I reached over and grabbed it. It was Edward. "What do you want, Edward?"

"Well hello to you too! Jesus Bella, its after 2 I was just making sure you were still breathing." I sat up quickly looking at the time. Sure enough it was quarter after two. I shook my head trying to clear the fuzziness.

"Oh, well I guess I needed the sleep. What are you doing?"

"Nothing, just wanted to come visit." I was about to tell him yes, but I knew the minute he stepped in here he would smell James, I knew he would. Then I would have to explain my journals. I would rather poke my eyeballs out.

"How about I come over there, watch a movie with you?" I asked.

"Wow yeah sure, sounds good." Exclaimed Edward before we said our goodbye's. He was surprised because I hadn't been to his place in over a month. If we wanted to visit he would come here. I always felt better in my own element. I showered and threw on some clean clothes. I locked my door and headed for my car. I had a beat up old pickup, it was orange and rust. I know most people hated it, especially Edward. But I loved her, she was my baby.

When I got to Edward's place. He was at my door before I even came to a full stop. Chivalry was not dead, where Edward was concerned. He opened my door and helped me out. Kissing me lightly and chastely. God forbid I get a little tongue action.

The next couple hours we sat on the couch in silence watching a movie I couldn't name. My head was somewhere else. Part of me was thinking of James, and the other part of me had just decided that I no longer wanted to be with Edward. I need more.

"We need to talk." Were my words as the end credits were rolling up on the screen. Edward looked at me with sad eyes, he knew what was coming. "I cant do this anymore Edward, I cant be with you anymore. I need physical contact. I need a relationship where I cant be intimate." Edward looked down at his hands. Nodding solemnly.

"I know Bella, I know you do. I wish everyday that I could give that to you. I want to be physical with you. But I cant do that, I cant take the risk." I nodded and smiled at him.

"It's okay Edward I knew this was going to end one day. I know you did too. You need to find someone, someone you can be with fully. I will always care about you Edward, and we will always be close. But no more of this childish schoolyard romance. I need to have sex." Edwards eyes widened and I laughed. "Well it's the truth, I need a little bow chicka bow wow." Edward's face broke into a grin, and I knew that everything would be alright. We would be exactly the same. We were always like friends instead of a couple. So it wasn't like much would change between us.

"Okay, okay I get it Bella. I really am sorry I couldn't be everything for you." I shrugged and smiled. It was fine by me. We sat there for a bit, just talking. Alice came in a couple minutes later. Yelling at us, telling us that we cant quit. I laughed and so did Edward.

"What's so funny guys. You are supposed to be together forever." Edward and I looked at each other and looked back at her. I was about to speak but Edward beat me to it.

"Alice your visions are not always correct, and both Bella and myself have realized this wont work. I love Bella and we will always be in each others lives. But I refuse to give Bella what she needs, which is…a little Bow chicka bow wow." with that a fresh wave of laughter erupted from Edward and I and Alice's frown faltered. "It will be okay Alice. Bella is still going to be in our lives, your not going to lose her." Alice finally nodded and reached forward, pulling me into a tight hug. I just laughed and hugged her back.

After assuring Alice, that I indeed would not disappear to never return. I left to head home. I needed to be alone and adjust to my new found freedom. Even though it felt exactly the same.

**There you go, hope you Enjoyed.**

**Review!!**


	5. Ch5 Surprised!

**Stephenie Meyer own these Characters!**

**Enjoy**

Chapter 5: Surprised!

James POV

I was in the back bedroom, a naked woman spread out on my bed. I was hungry and she smelled great. Victoria was up by her head, kissing her lips passionately. The girl was moaning in her mouth. She was so drunk she could barely open her eyes. But she was also very aroused, thinking this was some sort of orgy I'm sure. Laurent was at her side kissing and nuzzling one of her breasts getting ready to bite one of her supple nipples, and I had my face between her legs smelling both her arousal and her blood made me feel almost high. I ran my nose along her inner thigh, where a nice artery lay just beneath the skin. I opened my mouth getting ready to sink my teeth in, when I could smell her. _Isabella_. I stood up quickly and growled. Pissed off because I was about to have a meal, but too damn curious to leave it be for another five minutes.

As soon as I left the room, I realized there were more vampires here. When I walked into the music room, there stood Isabella, with five vampires surrounding her. Protecting her. How strange. I spoke briefly and they left right after. Victoria came up behind me. "How did you know her?" she asked. I could hear the jealousy coloring her voice, and I had to roll my eyes. How could Victoria be jealous over a human. She may be good looking but, she had flaws, as all humans do.

"I saved her, when she was a child." Victoria's eyes went wide. She was about to ask why, but I put my hand up to stop her. "She looked to be about seven or eight. She tore out of someone's house, crying hysterically, like she had just lost her best friend. She reminded me of my sister from my human life. I felt very protective of her all of a sudden. So I followed her, to make sure she made it home safely. Well she ran past a bear, not even realizing it and it started to run after her. I had to kill it, and Isabella seen me. I threatened her not to tell anyone, and if she did I would come back to kill her." _I hadn't seen her since _I thought to myself. After telling Victoria my story she just looked at me shocked.

I took off seconds later, still hungry, and wanting to finish off what I should have years ago. I knew that copper haired vamp could read minds, from what he said when I entered the music room. So I stayed a safe distance away. I watched Isabella exit the vehicle and go inside the front doors of the ratty beat down apartment building. A minute later I saw a light turn on inside one of the apartments, and then she came into view, I waited in the trees outback for several hours. Hoping Isabella would be asleep.

I scaled up the building to her window. It was closed but not latched. I slid it open slowly. Enjoying the fact that is didn't squeak.

Isabella was sleeping in her bed that was not even a full foot away from the window. I stared at her for several minutes but I grew bored quickly. I walked over to her book shelf and while watching her I reached for any book on the top shelf. After grabbing a hold of one, I dropped it loudly to the floor.

Isabella bolted up and reached for her lamp, I ran into her bathroom so she didn't see me. I could hear her get up and walk across her floor, probably to look around, see who was there with her. I heard her take a breath before growling out. "Edward Cullen if that's you trying to go through my personal shit, I will end you." _ahh a Cullen that's why there eye color was different, I heard of them_

I came out of the bathroom. I could see the back of her. She was putting the book back, and her back muscles were tense, she looked pissed. I started to laugh at her ridiculous statement. She would end him, a vampire. Not likely. Isabella spun around her big doe eyes looked panicked. When I asked her if she was just attracted to cold hearted creatures or if it was my own fault. She looked stumped not knowing what to say. When I stepped forward, she stepped back quickly, hitting her back against her bookshelf, it wiggled slightly, and a blue book hit her in the head, then face down on the floor open.

I stared at it for a minute and realized it was a journal. It had _Bella's Journal_ written in the front of it, hmm maybe she prefers Bella over Isabella. I then realized why she was pissed when she woke up. She didn't want her dear vampire boyfriend reading her dirty little thoughts. Her heart started to beat faster, and I could tell she was blushing from the smell of her blood intensifying.

Isabella spoke and my head snapped up, it took me a few seconds to think about what she had asked and then I grinned. What do I want… really. I think she already knows. She was trying to distract me. As I looked back down at the little blue secret keeper, Bella practically yelled at me asking for my name. I was getting annoyed now, no more games I wanted a peek. I gave her my name as I reached down to retrieve it. "Something embarrassing in here, Isabella?"

When I turned it over, to say I was shocked would be an understatement. It was a sketch of me, and quite good I might add. I looked over at another page and the first sentence read. '_why does my beautiful monster always visit me in my sleep, and never when I'm awake?'_ confused the shit outta me. Was that me. Was I her beautiful monster. Why the fuck did she dream of me. "What is this Isabella?" I asked in what was becoming an angry voice.

"I-I was trying to get your features right." she said in a frightened voice. I grabbed a hold of her neck squeezing slightly. Still allowing a little air for her.

"I mean Isabella, why are there drawings of me all over your personal belongings?" I was starting to lose it. Had she been following me, or is this from memory. Why would she remember me. Why would she want to. I was cruel. I felt like I was in the damn twilight zone.

She shook her head obviously not knowing how to answer. I started to pull out more of her journals from the top shelf with my one hand. No matter where I opened the book there were pictures and writings of me. I was getting pissed, I started to squeeze her throat tighter. Trying to decide whether or not to kill her. I could feel her trying to scratch at my hand, to pry it from her throat, but it was futile, useless.

It was when she whispered out her next words that I knew I couldn't kill her not yet. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Please." I let go of her and she dropped to the floor. Coughing and gasping. I reached down and quickly picked up the blue journal. Then I took off out the window and crossed the street. I stood on the other side for several minutes, wondering why the fuck I didn't just kill her pathetic little life. I was about to go back and end it when she appeared in front of the window.

Her does eyes were bloodshot and I could see the angry red mark around her neck. She looked sad. I couldn't bring myself to go back up there, something about her innocence once again making me feel something for her. An angry growled erupted from me and I took off not wanting to look at her for another second.

* * *

I ran for several hours, the journal was gripped tightly in my left hand. When I stopped I was at the edge of a cliff. I could feel the wind blowing against my face, smell the ocean, the sun was starting to rise and I could feel its warmth. I sat down and opened the journal to the first page.

I read through the first twenty entries quickly, they were mostly of her dreams, a lot about myself, in different scenarios. Some I would be cruel and rough, which was pretty much the real me. In other dreams I would be loving, caring, and passionate. Holding her, kissing her, running my hands through her hair. It felt strange reading her words, it made me feel strange and it made me want to question her.

There were other things in her journal about Edward. How he would never touch her, or kiss her. There was nothing physical about there relationship and I felt almost relieved, though no idea why.

When I got almost all the way through I came across an entry that was more messy than most. Obviously she was still waking from a deep slumber. I started to read through it and I was shocked. She had details in there about very passionate sex with me. About touching me, and tasting me, and me touching and tasting her.

She wrote about me entering her and holding her close to me while I fucked her slowly. I could feel myself getting hard, and I wanted nothing more than to feel her writhing beneath me. I opened my pants and against my better judgment I wrapped my hand around my shaft and started to masturbate, while reading the rest of Bella's delectable entry.

**There ya go a little bit of James POV. Should the next chapter be James or Bella?? Let me know.**

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	6. Ch6 A New Day!

**Stephenie Meyer Owns These Characters!!**

**Enjoy!**

Chapter 6: A New Day!

Bella's POV

I woke up and stretched out. I felt so rested. I closed my eyes trying to remember why. My eyes shot open in search of my Journal. My latest, very real, dream encounter with my beautiful monster aka James *swoon* I was unbelievably relieved to finally have a name to go with him after all these years. Now that I have seen him and know his name my dreams have felt very real.

I swear I could feel his hands running over my body, exploring me. I could feel the tingles of his cold hands running over my nipples. I could feel him kissing down my neck. I could smell his cool breath as he told me how much he wanted me. So I wrote it all down, desperate to keep it real. Who knows if I would see him again. Even if I did see him again I was pretty damn sure it would never be the way I wanted to see him.

I knew I should stop thinking about him, but I just couldn't. I got up out of bet and grabbed some clothing from my drawers, before starting the shower. My week had gone by fast, and I felt so much better since Edward and I had called it quits. There was no uncomfortable sexual tension, no trying to push his buttons. I think Edward was relieved. I didn't blame him, I was damn persistent.

I had chosen against going to a party this weekend, I wanted to stay home, watch a movie, veg out. I was surprised by this. Maybe being with Edward, made me want to drink, so I had a reason to be out of control and reckless.

I went out and picked up some Chinese food before going back to my apartment. Alice was standing outside with a smile, and sporting a pair of pajama pants.

"I thought I would come watch a movie with you, if that's okay?" Asked Alice, I was actually quite happy to have her here tonight, we hadn't done much for awhile, maybe we can get closer again. I smiled and told her of course. When we got inside Alice went stiff and started smelling around. "A vampire has been here Bella, maybe last night or early this morning. But there was one here definitely." My eyebrows knit together, then I thought of my vivid dream last night. Was it real. My cheeks flushed and my eyes wide. "Oh god Bella was it that blonde from the party? If he comes here you have to let us know its not safe."

"I don't know, I had a dream last night, but now I don't know if it was a dream." I said absently. Alice nodded in understanding and her face went blank.

"Well, your future isn't disappearing or anything so you should be fine, I really don't want to tell Edward unless there is a reason to. If someone was going to hurt you it would have happened." Alice's eyes went blank again and she stood statue still for a good five minutes. A huge grin then broke out on her face. "Oh" was all she said. I asked what she meant by oh. "Its nothing Bella, just …. Oh never mind it's nothing" Before I could ask her what the hell, she ran to my movie stash and picked one out. "This one is perfect." She spoke quite loudly, sufficiently ending our earlier discussion. I looked at the movie in her hands and I definitely agreed. It was 'Never Back Down' with hunky sweaty men. Mm cant go wrong there. After watching the movie, and me eating my Chinese food. Alice decided to take off after Jasper called her for a third time.

It was still early, so I put on another movie and lay down on my couch. I fell asleep not even twenty minutes in to Sleepwalkers. My dream soon followed.

_I was laying on a big soft bed. Pillows all around me. I was on my stomach, eyes closed. I could feel that I was naked and cold hands were running down my shoulders, down my back, over my ass, and down my legs, all the way to the tip of my toes, then back again. This was repeated twice and I could feel myself growing incredibly wet. I started to rub my thighs together. _

"_ah ah ah, not yet Isabella." Said a rough sultry voice, It was James of course. He pulled my legs apart slightly so I could no longer use the friction. _

"_Oh please James please." I begged. Needing release more than ever. _

I bolted upright, drenched in sweat hearing a loud ringing. At first I thought it was my ears, then I realized it was the apartments fire alarm. "Damn pranksters wake me from my fan fucking tabulous dream." I growled. Kids were always pulling the fire alarm. Sure enough not even five minutes later it was shut off and the speakers in the hallway cracked and snapped before someone came on and said false alarm. I got up and put my leftover food in the fridge. I shut my television off and went to brush my teeth.

I changed into a light tank top and just my panties, feeling overheated from my dream. I opened my window slightly to feel the nice breeze.

Then what Alice told me came to mind, what if he was in here last night touching me. Would I be scared or offended. Not even a little. Should I feel scared and offended, definitely. I knew it was unlikely that he touched me, but what if he came in here and watched me writhing, in ecstasy . Touching myself while moaning his name. Damn that's embarrassing.

I lay there for a long time, wondering if I stay awake long enough, maybe I would see him, maybe he would let me see him. But my eyes won the battle and I fell asleep a little past two in the morning.

I woke up the next day, and hadn't dreamed at all after my interrupted one on the couch. My day consisted of sitting at a laundry matte. I read a book between folding clean laundry. I had four big loads and there was only one washing machine available, it seems that Saturday is a good day to do laundry for everyone. I grumbled a lot considering I thought I would have it all done in two hours. My phone rang and I knew it was Alice calling to say I told you so. I picked up and didn't even speak I just waited.

"I told you, if you moved in with us, or at least let us buy you a nice apartment, you wouldn't have this problem…" She started to say something else but I just hung up. She knows how I feel about that shit.

Five hours later I pulled up to my apartment building, glaring at the stairs on the other side of the wall. I had five garbage bags full of laundry in the bed of my truck, which meant five trips up those stairs.

I grabbed the first one and hauled it up, then the second, I was halfway up with my third bag and I could feel it starting to stretch and rip where my hand was, I tried to switch positions but it was too late. Next thing I know my whole bag of laundry which of course was the bag with my damn panties and bras, most were lacey and barely there from my trips with Alice and my trying to seduce Edward. I ran back to my truck quickly to pull another garbage bag from my laundry supplies in my front seat. As I turned to go back in and pick up all of my unmentionables, a calm, deadly, and sexy as hell voice asked from beside the building. "Would you like some help."

Of course he would appear when I would very much like the earth to open and swallow me whole. I did want to see him again, just not like this, my panties spread all over the community stairs, nice Bella real nice. James cleared his throat trying to get my attention.

I blinked a couple times trying to clear my head. "No thank you I'm fine." I said while blush brightly stained my cheeks. I rushed inside, frantically picking up my panties, and my bra's. Thinking and hoping I got them all, I stood up and tied the bag, I turned around and "Oh god." I mumbled when I noticed my only pair of pear G-string -compliments of Alice- were now dangling off of James perfect fingers. What the hell was it even doing in the wash I hadn't even worn it yet.

My face turned painfully red and I reached forward to grab it. James lifted his hand higher so I missed it and said "ah ah ah, not yet Isabella." Déjà vu. I instantly remembered my dream those exact words were spoken. I stepped back and turned walking back up the stairs to throw the bag into my apartment. I walked out about to go back down to retrieve the other two, but they were sitting outside my door. No James in sight.

I called out his name but there was no answer. I shrugged not knowing what to think about the kind gesture. Weirded out that he was hanging around my building, but also secretly thrilled. So I brought the bags inside and put them all away. After I was done I had realized, my pearl thong was missing. Good god than man knows how to keep me up at night.

The rest of the day went by rather quietly. I had just finished my latest journal, so I walked to my bookshelf to put it with the others. I quickly noticed that my blue journal was back, but instead the one before it was missing. That fucker is going through all my journals. I grabbed the blue one and brought it over to my bed, wondering if he took anything out, or if he wrote anything. I skimmed through it, everything looked the same until I came upon the one entry I didn't want him reading. He had ripped it out, the whole section was gone. I was upset by that, why would he rip it out. Did it disgust him, or did it turn him on.

In the place of the ripped out pages was a blank ratty piece of paper it was blank on the one side I was looking at, I flipped it over expecting to see the same blankness on the other side. I was pleasantly surprised. He had written in it. But when I read the words my stomach twisted and I felt sick, in very neat handwriting he wrote out.

_To think that I would stoop as low as to fuck you, a simple human, is degrading._

_To think about me Loving you is beyond comprehension. _

_To know that I cross your mind every day, makes me want to end you._

_But for now, I will watch you, and all of your flaws. _

_Eventually, I will kill you, I will drink you dry,_

_And I wont give you the satisfaction of fucking you first. _

I closed the journal quickly and threw it to the floor. I could feel my heart breaking. Why did it bother me so much. I couldn't expect him to feel about me the way I feel about him. That is ludicrous.

Why wasn't I worried about the most important thing. He is going to kill me. I closed and locked my windows. I shut my blinds. I put some headphones on and did my homework. At least I tried. I couldn't concentrate. James words rolling over and over in my head. I really wasn't good enough, I was a disgusting filthy human. I should have known he would be disgusted by my affection for him. I would too if I were him. I finally gave up and put all my homework away. I lay back down on my bed and looked over on the floor beside me was my blue journal, I glared at it, turned out my lamp and fell asleep with tears in my eyes, and cracks in my heart.

**Poor Bella, What a Jerky James. **

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	7. Ch7 Confused!

**Stephenie Meyer Owns These Characters!**

**Enjoy**

Chapter 7: Confused!

Bella's POV

I wasn't even asleep for a full hour when I heard a loud *snap* I sat up quickly, looking around in the dark, I couldn't see anything. I reached for my lamp but just as my fingers reached the switch the lamp was ripped away from my hands, and thrown across the room. I gasped and jumped back, my head hitting my headboard hard. I grabbed a hold of my head using pressure trying to make the pain go away.

I heard James laugh and my stomach and chest began to ache with the memory of his cruel words. I curled my knees up to my chest and the tears started to come. Seconds later I felt my bed sink beside me, then cold hands were running through my hair. "Aw Isabella, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" He asked in a mocking voice. Taunting me. I stayed quiet and turned my face away from him. Knowing he can see my lips quivering even in the dark. After a minute of silence James gripped my hair and pulled it back. "I asked you a question _Isabella_, answer me." He said in a angry brutal voice. Then his hands loosened and he started to play with my hair again.

"I-it hurts… it hurts that you feel that way about me. I know it shouldn't and it makes sense, it just hurts." I sobbed out feeling ridiculous. James hand stilled in my hair for an instant than he started again.

James laughed loudly and moved his hand from my hair. "Well the truth is bound to hurt, would you rather I lie and act like I care about you?" I wanted to scream _yes of course I want you to lie. Please lie to me _but instead, I shook my head and started to sob harder. "Well then, stop the water works Isabella, it's getting tiring." I tried to calm down. I took some deep breaths and after ten minutes I had finally settled down, still leaning against my headboard. I could feel James sitting beside me, staring at me. I wanted to lean into him and feel him just once. Instead I slowly wiggled down and rolled over, trying to ignore the presence in my room. I was tired and I wanted to escape the brutal reality of my fucked up situation.

I felt James lay down beside me and my whole body tensed. What was he doing, was he going to kill me now. I could feel my heart beating wildly and loudly. This was it, I didn't even get to say goodbye. I screwed my eyes shut thinking happy thoughts. James wrapped his arm around me, and as scared as I should have been, all I felt was happy, that even though this isn't a lovers embrace, it was something. I waited patiently for the pain for what seemed like hours. Then James chuckled and spoke. "Don't worry Isabella, I wont kill you tonight. I'm having far too much fun with you yet." I felt myself relax, my whole body sunk into my mattress. I enjoyed the feeling of James arm around me. When I started to get comfortable, I scooted back wanting desperately to feel more of him. James jumped up quickly, leaving me alone in my bed, I could hear him growling, obviously pissed off that I tried to make a move on him. "What the Fuck, do you think your doing Isabella. Do you think I want your body against mine, did you think I would approve of your ass wriggling against me. Not fuckin likely." He yelled the last part right in my face leaning over me. I could see his eyes, and he didn't look angry he looked confused.

"I-I am so sorry James, I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know why I cant stop thinking of you, or wanting you, needing you. God knows I have no reason to. But I CANT FUCKING STOP." I screamed, my chest heaving and feeling lighter now that I got to speak my mind. James obviously didn't share my enthusiasm.

He grabbed a hold of my neck and lifted me up, so I was now in a sitting position my head against my headboard. He moved close to me and growled out. "You need to remember who you are talking to Isabella, I am not you neighborhood friendly vampire. I kill for much less than what you just did." He tightened his hand and then loosened it, giving me a warning. "Do you understand _Bella?_" I went from being scared to turned on in two seconds flat. The way he spoke my name was like a caress between my legs. Not only did he call me Bella, but he damn near purred it out. I nodded frantically, hoping he couldn't smell my arousal. My cheeks flushed and he let go of me.

I rubbed my sore neck, thinking this was becoming a habit, good thing I didn't bruise easily. James got up and walked to my window, the sun was starting to come up, so I could see him. He smelled deeply and chuckled his eyes caught mine and he said. "If I had known that would be your reaction when I used your nickname, I would have used it sooner…._Bella._" Then he opened the window and jumped.

I sat there for a minutes taking it all in. I looked over at my bookshelf and stood up. I wanted to see if he had finished my other journal. Sure enough the other one was back, and my newest one I had just put there the night before was missing. I grabbed the journal he had just had to see if he had written any more eerie messages, because lets face it, I'm a masochist through and through.

I could tell there was something inside it the journal was parted a little. I sat on my bed and opened it to the back, and there were my pear g-string underwear. My face flushed once again and there was a note left sitting on top of the panties.

_I see in your Journals that you do what I ask you to in your dreams_

_Would you be just as submissive in your wake._

_Would you do something for me, even though you know I want death for you_

_How far will you go to please me Isabella_

_How far will you let me go before asking for mercy_

_How far would you let a monster go with your body?_

_Lets find out._

_Wear these sad excuse for panties to bed tonight, and nothing else_

_I want to see you._

My face went red at the thought of wearing those panties, then I got pissed off at myself for even thinking about it.

He was playing games with me obviously, it made sense. He lay beside me and wrapped his arm around me, he called me Bella, he was playing with my emotions. Taking advice from my journals, and using them as weapons, knowing I would bend and swoon.

The worst part of it all, I wanted it, I would rather him playing games and making me think he wanted me, than nothing at all. I only hope that he kills me before my heart completely breaks in two.

I set the note and panties on my bedside table and put the journal back. I then crawled into bed and fell asleep quickly. I was exhausted and I was stupidly excited.

I woke up the next day from a horrid nightmare. James was staring at me in my panties, laughing at me. Pointing out my flaws. I was crying and holding my face in my hands while James walked a full circle around me kicking and pushing me down. Telling me how ugly I was.

My excitement from the night before was now fright. I was nervous. What if he does just laugh at me. What if the whole point of me wearing those god awful things is to degrade me even further. Would I be able to take it, or will I break in front of him like a weak child. I ran myself a hot bath, making sure to shave. I had a Brazilian wax the week before and I was very thankful for it.

After finishing my bath I looked in the mirror, deciding against makeup. I had hours before it was night, so I threw on some clothes and left the small confines of my apartment, and headed to the library. I sat in a comfortable chair and started to read an old copy of Wuthering Heights. I got lost in my book until someone tapped me on the shoulder. "Mam we are going to be closing soon." I blinked a couple times and looked outside. It was dark out. I quickly got up and bolted out to my truck. The time on my radio said it was ten to nine.

When I pulled up to my apartment I sat there for a minute. Trying to catch my bearings. After a few minutes I opened my door and went inside. I grabbed the panties and brought them to the bathroom. I took my clothes off and put the offending panties on.

As soon as I had them on I was pleasantly surprised and even more embarrassed. It felt good and as soon as I walked out of the bathroom, the friction was making me wet. I groaned loudly knowing he would be able to smell it.

I quickly walked to my bed and got in, covering myself quickly. I felt so vulnerable, and I was so thankful that my lamp was broken.

I lay there for awhile, waiting for James to show up. It was two in the morning and I could feel myself drifting, there was no staying up any longer. Maybe he wasn't even coming. Maybe this was a joke, and he was laughing somewhere knowing full well I had done it. I rolled onto my stomach and fell asleep.

I could feel a cold hand running up and down my back. I moaned and burrowed my face into my pillow. Not wanting to wake up in case it was a dream. The hand moved down over my ass and squeezed hard, I gasped and opened my eyes, looking up. There was James sitting beside me on my bed. His eyes pitch black. "I see you like to be told what to do Bella." James spoke out his voice gravelly.

"What do you want from me James." I whispered out. He narrowed his eyes and flipped me over.

**Hmm What ya think?? **

**Review please!?!**


	8. Ch8 Explore!

**Stephenie Meyer Owns These Characters!**

**Enjoy!**

Chapter 8: Explore!

Bella's POV

As he stared down at my nearly naked form. His eyes went impossibly black, and I couldn't tell if the hunger was sexual, or if he wanted my blood. His chest was bare, the only thing he was wearing was a pair of old worn blue jeans.

I felt so exposed. I moved my hands to cover my breasts and James ripped them away roughly and growled. "You should have thought about modesty, before you decided to get naked, knowing full well I would be here." I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply, waiting for James to start talking about all of my flaws just like my nightmare. It never came, instead he moved his hands from my wrists and ran them up my arms and over my shoulders. I could feel his nose running along my jaw and when he got close to my ear he whispered. "You smell amazing Bella." I bit my lip trying not to groan at the use of my name.

James ran his hands all over the front of my body, skimming past the parts I needed touched the most. I opened my eyes when James stopped touching me completely. He was hovering over me smirking. Holding himself up with his hands on either side of my shoulders. His face turned from smug to determined and he started to lean forward. His eyes flickered down to my lips and back up again. I gulped audibly and licked my lips in anticipation.

Just as James lips were a breath away he started to laugh loudly and stood up quickly. "Silly little human." He said through his laughter. I closed my eyes trying not to cry. What the hell is wrong with me. I reached down to grab my blanket, I was getting cold. James ripped it away from me "What did I tell you about modesty Isabella?"

I was getting annoyed now. "Modesty has nothing to do with freezing my damn nipples off, I'm cold." I said in a whispered rush. James didn't say anything, but he did throw my blanket back at me, right in my face, quite hard. I winced but didn't say ow. Instead I said a quiet thank you and covered myself. Shivering slightly while my body warmed itself.

I lay back down, my damn panties diggin in places they sure in the hell shouldn't. sleeping with them was not something that should be done. I was laying there stiffly, not wanting to move and make it worse. James was standing at the window his face and chest glowing in the moonlight, I wanted to draw him. After ten minutes of James standing there not moving or speaking, I decided I couldn't wear the panties a second longer. I had to change into something more comfortable.

I stood up and walked towards my dresser. Half way there James moved behind me, wrapping his arms around my naked waste. "And what are you doing Bella?" James asked smoothly. The feeling of his arms around me, were making me feel like an electrical current was running through me. I could feel his naked torso. His muscles contracting as he breathed me in. The feeling of him was amazing and I closed my eyes for a few seconds, so I could memorize the feeling.

"I need to change out of these things, they aren't very comfortable." I snapped the elastic with my thumb, to let him know what I was talking about. But instead of letting me go, he slid his hands down my waist and under the elastic pushing them down my thighs. My breath caught in my throat as my only piece of clothing now hit the floor.

"Problem solved." He said quietly. My chest was heaving, and my heart was out of control. James' hands were rubbing up and down my thighs. He pulled me flush against him. My back to his front. I could feel his erection pushing against my back, his breathing was becoming faster too. He moved his hands down to the inside of my thighs close to my center. My back arched on its own accord, and I pushed my hips forward his fingers slipped over my clit and I gasped. "Fuck" James growled loudly. Before pushing me away roughly.

I stumbled and landed harshly on the floor. James was kneeling beside me in a second. "You disgust me." he spoke as he pulled my hair forcing me to look up at him. "I don't know why the fuck I keep coming back here." He got up and walked swiftly across the room and out my window.

I got up on shaky legs and pulled a pair of cotton boy-cut underwear out and a comfy red t shirt. I put them on quickly, stumbling a couple times, and crawled back into bed. I felt numb, and used. I pulled out my journal, needing an outlet badly. I wrote about my nightmare, and about James playing games, I wrote about how in one instance it felt like he was attracted to me, then he would tell me I disgusted him.

Why did he keep coming back? Even he doesn't know the answer to that.

The way he kept touching me, was like heaven. He was so careful and soft. The way he explored my body. Like he was trying to memorize it.

I sketched him standing at my window. Trying to remember every detail. I set my alarm for six so I had time to shower before going to class, then I fell asleep.

* * *

My Monday was awful. The Cullen's were all gone because the sun was shining. I really wanted to see Alice, to ask her what to do with my problem, she had to have known.

My classes went by quickly, and I was headed home before I really wanted to. So I decided to go see Edward. It had been too long. I needed a distraction. When I got to Edwards door I could here a high pitched, bell like laugh. I knocked hesitantly and a beautiful strawberry blonde vampire opened up the door. She was smiling widely and she had a twinkle in her eyes.

"Oh you must be Isabella… Its so great to finally meet you." She pulled me forward and hugged me softly. "I'm Tanya Denali." I smiled widely and said hello. Edward came in from the other room and hugged me briefly before putting his arm around Tanya.

"Bella, I'm glad to see you. I was going to call you so I could introduce you to Tanya. Listen we need to talk okay." I nodded and smiled bigger, realizing Edward had a girlfriend. It was nice to see him so at ease when he held her, not restraining or worried about biting her. I would have thought I would be Jealous, but instead I was excited for him.

"I am leaving with Tanya, Bella. We are going to Alaska for awhile. I don't know when I will see you again, but I think it is for the best." I nodded my smile faltering a little.

"I'm gonna miss you Edward, make sure you call, and email, and text." I said in a stern tone. Edward laughed and agreed. The rest of the day I got to know Tanya and she got to know me. She really was great.

When it came time to leave I hugged them both and instead of feeling like I would lose one friend I felt like I was losing two.

My drive back to my apartment was quick. I felt kind of down. Everyone around me was happy, even Edward had someone in his life, and all I had was my beautiful monster, shredding everything I thought he could be.

I ran a hot bath for myself and lit some candles. I needed to relax. After pouring vanilla scented bubble bath in and I shut the light off. I climbed in and slid down. I could see the candle light flickering behind my eyes. My muscles were loosening. I lay there for over an hour, trying to erase my last month of strange events.

I could feel the water cooling and wasn't ready to get out. So I sat up ready to turn the hot water on and noticed someone leaning against the wall opposite of me, staring at me with a blank expression.

I jumped and gasped before realizing it was James. "What the fuck James, cant you go one night without coming into my home." I growled out. My body once again tense. "So much for a relaxing bath." I mumbled. I was about to pull the plug when James put his hand on mine shaking his head. He undressed and slid in behind me, all in a couple seconds. I didn't even realize what he had done until he leaned over me, turning the hot water on. I waved my hands under the water, moving the hot water around. I sat there tense waiting for his next move. After it heated up again. James reached over again and shut it off.

He leaned back, pulling me against him. His one hand running over my stomach, the other pulling my hair out of its clip falling over his shoulder, than he began to run his fingers through it.

James still hadn't spoken, and I felt like if he did the spell or whatever it is, would break and he would turn into the cold hearted vampire once again. My body relaxed into him. I let myself just feel everything, and try not to think of it. His cold skin and the hot water was an amazing contrast.

I could feel James' erection against my lower back, except this time, there was no clothes in the way. He then wrapped his arm around my chest his hand holding my upper arm, his forearm across my breasts. His other hand still running up and down my stomach.

James kissed my shoulder tenderly and breathed deeply.

"Why do I keep coming back here Bella?" He asked quietly.

**Sounds like James is a Little Confused!**

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	9. Ch9 Monster!

**Stephenie Meyer Owns These Characters!**

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Chapter 9: Monster!

James POV

I could hear her truck long before I could see it. I was in her apartment laying on her bed. Reading Bella's latest journal that was in her desk drawer. She had only written a couple entries. The nightmare she had made me feel a little sick with myself, although that was my whole point. To make her feel insecure. But the thing that got me the most was the picture of me, staring out her window, bare chest, it was perfect. She had a great eye.

I couldn't seem to get enough of her smell. Her essence. I knew I had to stop this madness soon. I could hear her park her truck, get out, slam her door. She stumbled up the stairs and finally unlocked and opened her door.

She went into the bathroom right away and I could hear her bath water running. I had every intention of waiting in the open so she knew I was here, but I guess I would have to wait till she is done bathing. Minutes later I could smell burning candle wax and Vanilla. Then the bathroom light clicked off.

I lay on her bed a bit longer listening intently for movement, but all I could hear was her relaxed breathing. I grew impatient half an hour into her bath so I silently walked into her bathroom and leaned against the opposite wall.

She was laying there her eyes closed, her hands on her stomach, her mouth parted slightly. She looked very peaceful. I watched her closely noticing once again her natural beauty. Every time I looked at her like this it made me want to treat her the way I did in some of her dreams. To hold her and kiss her. Then I get pissed at myself for thinking that. She is a human. A small insignificant human, why do I keep thinking of her like that.

I knew what I had to do, I had to get her out of my system, to fuck her once and for all, then I can be done with this infatuation. I was watching Bella's perky breasts rise and fall with her chest. She suddenly opened her eyes and leaned up, reaching for the hot water tap, when she noticed me. She jumped and gasped. When she recognized me, she went from relaxed to tense in seconds.

"What the fuck James, cant you go one night without coming into my home." She growled out loudly. Looking upset and nervous. "So much for a relaxing bath." she mumbled under her breath reaching for the plug. I shot forward and stopped her, shaking my head. Before she could react I quickly pulled out of my clothes and slid in behind her. Adjusting the hot water, as she was going to do.

When I pulled her against me I was instantly hard, and wanted nothing more than to touch her. I took her hair out, enjoying the feel of it falling on my skin. We lay there in silence, minutes ticked by, I wrapped my arm around her chest, her nipples hardening against my arm. My other hand still running circles along her stomach, feeling her muscles clench and unclench. I leaned down and kissed her shoulder lightly, needing to feel her skin against my lips. I almost moaned at the contact. What was it about her that made me want her so bad.

"Why do I keep coming back here Bella?" I mumbled against her skin. She took a shaky breath in and breathed it out. She put both of her hands on my arm across her chest, trying to hold it there, trying to hold me to her. I was going to come up with something snarky about her hold on to me being nothing but, a flea to a dog, but she spoke before I could, and the comment vanished out the window.

"Please, just another minute, please." Her voice cracked with emotion, and I knew what she meant. Another minute of holding her before I said something crude and untrue, before I said something to make her cry and leave her here all alone to pick up the pieces, another minute to pretend that I was just like the vampire in her dreams.

I pulled her closer to me, wrapping my hand that was on her stomach, around her waist. I kissed her shoulder again, silently telling her okay.

We stayed like that for awhile, just enjoying the moment before it is ripped away by yours truly. Bella Was starting to shiver, but was obviously not willing to say anything. Scared to lose the moment.

I stood us both up, I grabbed a towel that was sitting on the counter, and unfolded it, wrapping it around her. I pulled her back against me and rubbed up and down her towel clothed arms. After drying her off I quickly dried myself, before walking us both to her bed. Bella crawled in without hesitation.

I crawled under the blankets and spread her legs with my knee. Putting myself between them. I could already smell her arousal, and I wanted to savor it. I ran my hand down her body. Slipping it between her folds. I would not play games tonight. I would give her what she wanted and what I wanted. Then I can hopefully leave her and forget about her.

I pushed a finger inside her curling it upwards. She was very tight, obviously she had no experience, which I had already known. Her heat on my hand and her smell filling the room was intoxicating. I brought my lips to her chest, kissing down her stomach, until my face was just above my hand. I stuck my tongue out and flick her clit. She moaned loudly and arched her back. Her hands flew to my hair, trying to hold my face to her clit and trying to pull it away at the same time. I pushed another finger inside and ran my tongue over her clit again, pushing on the little button of nerves. Bella moaned again and this time just held on the my hair, like if she didn't she would float away. I lightly sucked her clit into my mouth, making sure not to let my teeth touch it. As I lightly sucked I ran my tongue over and over it again. Bella was screaming and moaning. Only seconds later she tensed up and she clenched around my fingers. She came hard, and I continued to work her over until she came down from it. Her body still shaking and flushed.

I crawled up her body and positioned myself between her legs, rubbing my very hard erection up and down her slit. "This is going to hurt since it's your first time." I said through a strained voice. Waiting for her to tell me no. Her no never came. I knew she would bleed. But I had also fed tonight. She didn't smell any different than anyone else's blood, so I would be fine. I pushed in slightly and she tensed up. "Relax Bella." I said against her ear. Trying not to lose control and slam into her. She started to relax and I pushed forward. Her warmth closing around my hardness. I pushed more and could feel myself tear through her Bella gasped and I stopped breathing.

I pushed in the rest of the way, and waited for Bella's tiny body to adjust. I took in a small breath to test the air. My throat burned, but it was manageable. The feel of Bella's hot heat definitely helped.

Bella wrapped her legs around my hips, her arms around my neck. I slowly started to move in and out. Our body's moving together. Her nipples hardened against my chest. Bella reached her head up and put her hands on either side of my face. Pulling herself up she kissed me, I was stunned at first, then I kissed her back forcefully. Enjoying the feel of her lips on mine. I could feel her body start to tense and so was mine. We were both getting close to cumming. I started to move faster and a little more forcefully. Listening to her erratic breathing. I could feel her skin starting to radiate. Our kissing growing more intense.

Bella tensed and threw her head back she "James yes oh god yes James." Her thighs squeezed me closer and she clenched around my cock. Seconds later I was following. Repeating her name like a mantra.

I lay on tope of her for several minutes, still inside her. Not quite ready to separate us. She leaned forward and kissed my lips again. Her warm moist lips molding to mine, and just like that I snapped back into place. I slid out of her and groaned. Bella gasped and a fresh wave of arousal was in the air.

"You need to shower and get that blood off you now." I said in serious tone, the smell of her blood now getting to me since I wasn't on a hormone high anymore. Bella's face fell but she nodded. She stood up and started walking away. Her perfect ass swaying.

I lay back in the bed thinking about what just happened. Hoping that now I can leave and not come back.

Should I stay and hold Bella, since it was her first time. Would she think I wanted more if I did. I don't want her getting the wrong idea. Do I want to stay and hold her?

I don't know. The thought of leaving makes me feel uneasy, the thought of staying makes me feel like an idiot. My whole point of sleeping with her, was to get her out of my system. She was now out of my system. What the hell was I still doing here.

I heard the shower going and silently ran into the bathroom grabbing my clothes. I got dressed and looked around. I reached into her side table again and pulled out her journal, ripping the picture out, wanting to keep it.

I grabbed the pen that was hooked to the cover and wrote:

_You are now out of my system _

_And I am now out of yours_

_Move on Bella, _

_I will never be what you want me to be_

I wanted to write more, I knew it was cruel. But I didn't want any more. At least I didn't want to, want more.

I heard the shower turn off and I quickly put the journal back, and carefully folding and shoving the picture in my back pocket.

I jumped out the window and into the nearby trees.

"James." Came Bella's unsure voice. "Where did you go." Her voice started to crack. She came into view, staring out her window. A sob tore through her chest and she covered her mouth. I could see tears streaming down her face.

My stomach twisted uncomfortably and I wished I could have taken back leaving her there, alone, after her first time being intimate. Bella closed her window. But I could still hear her broken sobs. I really was the monster from her nightmare. I decided it was best to leave. With her kisses still fresh on my lips.

**Ouch, Poor Bella!!**

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	10. Ch10 Hurt!

**Stephenie Meyer Owns These Characters!**

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Chapter 10: Hurt!

Bella's POV

James was laying on top of me, in no hurry to move. I could feel his breath on my neck, his hands in my hair. I felt like I was on cloud nine, I had never imagined my first time would be so good, and never in my wildest dreams did I think it would be with James. I leaned my face into him, wanting to kiss him again. He was such a passionate kisser. When our kiss ended so did the spell. James told me to go shower. His voice no longer soft. I was hoping it was the blood that changed his voice, maybe after I washed it away, it would be fine, at least for tonight.

I stepped under the hot spray and it felt wonderful, my muscles loosening. I knew I would have several bruises from making love to James. All very much worth it.

I shut the shower off and stepped out, wrapping a towel around my self. I looked down and realized James clothing was gone, my heart started to race. I walked out the door into my room and he wasn't in there. I called his name out knowing it was useless. I could feel the water from my hair dripping down my back. I shivered violently both from the water, and from the sick feeling. I walked towards my bed and noticed the window wide open.

James was gone, he took away my virginity and left me alone. Yes I did want it to be him, but not like this, he was supposed to hold me afterwards, to kiss me to sleep damn it. A sob broke through me loud and sudden. I clasped my hand over my mouth, not wanting anyone to hear me. I quickly closed my window and lay on my bed. I curled up in a tight ball and pulled my pillow over my face, sobbing loudly into it. After hours of hard crying, I fell asleep exhausted by both the new sexual experience, and the cries.

* * *

I woke up to someone banging on my door. _Alice_ I got up and padded over to my door opening it. Alice's eyes went wide and she jumped in and closed my door. She ran to my bathroom and came out with a housecoat, my face went red when I realized I was naked. I grabbed it and fastened it around myself.

"I am so sorry Bella, I thought it would go differently than that, he keeps changing his damn mind, I would have ripped his head off if I had known sooner." I knew she would have known.

"It's fine Alice, really, I knew he would do that, it was my own fault. I would say I regret it but I would be lying." I sounded empty even to myself. Alice looked sad.

I walked back over to my bed and threw myself down. Tears starting to stream down my face again. Alice laid down beside me and pulled me against her.

Alice held me for hours while I cried against her. "Alice…? Do you think…. if I was a vampire…. he could love me?" I asked between my crying fits. Alice moved away so she could look at me. She looked shocked.

"Don't think for one second that your not good enough Bella, don't even try. You are an amazing woman and any man human or vampire would be lucky to have you." I knew she was full of shit, but I also knew she believed it to be true.

I got up and went to my fridge pulling out my Chinese food from the weekend, and eating it cold. We sat in silence for the rest of the day. Watching movies and listening to music. Alice left around midnight and I walked to my bed pulling my journal from my table. Wanting to write about being with James. When I opened it, I knew instantly he had been in it, and then I noticed the picture I drew was gone. In its place was another note.

_You are now out of my system _

_And I am now out of yours_

_Move on Bella, _

_I will never be what you want me to be_

A fresh wave of tears burst out of my eyes and I flipped it over quickly, not wanting to see it.

I wrote quickly and my writing was horrid, but I knew I could read it. I wrote everything from him sitting with me in the bathtub to his sudden departure. I knew I would never forget, but it felt wrong not to write about my feelings.

I stood up and went to the window to lock it and noticed the lock was broken. That's when I remember the other night when I heard a snap.

I fell asleep soon after, all cried out. I woke up late the next morning because I had forgotten to set my alarm. I ran around and left with my shoes untied and a cereal bar hanging out of my mouth. The day went well, I worked hard, making up for the day before, and during my last class I text Alice.

*I don't wanna go home, lets go shopping?* B*

*OO perfect, you need a new lamp anyway :p* A*

*Exactly! Maybe even some clothes*B*

I knew that would get her excited. I knew the minute I went into my apartment the depression would hit me like a ton of bricks, and clothes shopping meant more time away. I then messaged her again.

*New bed set too…. This one has too many memories all of a sudden*B*

*Sounds good, meet you at your place you can drop your truck off, ride wit me*A*

*perfect, as long as I don't have to go inside*B*

With that I put my cell back in my pocket, and finished my notes.

After class I grabbed my truck and headed home. When I got there, Alice was sitting in her ostentatious bright yellow Porsche, with the top down of course. I grinned and grabbed my book bag. I threw it in her back seat while getting in the front.

"You ready for some heavy duty, mind numbing, vampire forgetting, shopping?" Asked Alice with a big grin.

I smiled back and said "Hells yes." We both giggled, and I felt lighter than I had in weeks.

We shopped for hours, I got a new lamp set, a new black bedding set with white designs all over it. The sheets were black and satin. We grabbed some new lingerie of course, that was Alice's guilty pleasure. I bought a couple pairs of jeans and some very nice knee high black lace up stilettos. A couple nice shirts. By the time we were done I was exhausted and fully stocked. Thanking Alice profusely for buying most of it. I had gotten used to her spoiling me over the past couple years.

When we got into my apartment Alice stopped abruptly and breathed in. "He was here today Bella." Said Alice. I could feel my heart pounding and Alice's face went blank. "Nope your fine, he isn't coming back tonight, at least he doesn't think he is. I will keep an eye on you though, and any sign of him I will call you…" I nodded and said thanks, not quite understanding why he would come back. He got what he wanted.

Alice helped me strip my bed and replace it. We set up my lamps and put my new clothes and lingerie away. When everything was done Alice said goodbye, and I was left alone, with nothing but my thoughts. I quickly regretted letting Alice help me set everything up. I sat down on my bed and turned my laptop on. I had no new mail. After five minutes on that I gave up and closed it. I walked over to see if James came to steal another journal, but they were all accounted for.

I stared at my bedside table scared to look in it, scared of what he may have written. Again I am a masochist so of course I looked.

There was a drawing on the blank page beside my latest entry. It was a picture of me sleeping, my hands under my head, my hair fanned around my pillow, a blanket pulled up over my chest. There was James laying beside me, his arm wrapped protectively around my mid section. His eyes open staring down at me and a slight smile on his face. Underneath the very descriptive picture were three words: _Sleep Well Love_

I stared at the picture for awhile, taking in every single detail. James had no shirt on. His pony tail was hanging over his shoulder. The moon reflecting in his eyes. I kept reading the words over and over again. I fell asleep like that. Wishing that maybe one day he could hold me like that, and not just in a picture.

**Hope you enjoyed, James just cant leave things alone!!**

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	11. Ch11 Christmas Spirit!

**Stephenie Meyer Owns These Characters!**

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Chapter 11: Christmas Spirit!

Bella's POV

The next couple of weeks, went by quickly, James hadn't come back, and as much as I hoped he would, I knew he wouldn't. I'm sure he never intended to feel anything for me, but after seeing that he came back to draw me a picture, I know he cares. He just needs to figure it out.

It was now a week before Christmas and I was getting back from shopping with Alice. I made sure to shop for her, when with her, she always knew what she was getting anyways… damn pixie seeing the future. I made sure to send a card to Edward and Tanya, who have both made sure to keep in touch, and I bought the rest of the Cullen's presents and would be spending Christmas day with them.

I did get something for James, but it was more of a way of letting him into my life, it was his choice to use it or not.

I put several decorations up, including a tree, both of my parents had sent a couple presents and so did the Cullen's so it wasn't bare under it.

It was nearing midnight and I had just finished wrapping the last of Alice's presents. I changed into a new pair of satin pajama shorts, and camisole, that Alice insisted I wear and slid into bed.

I had just picked up my journal and my window flew open I squealed and jumped and then realized James was standing beside my bed looking really pissed off, he was taking deep quick breaths and his fists were clenched. I may have been frightened if I wasn't all of a sudden wishing I wore something with a little more heat. I pulled my blanket up to my neck and glared daggers at the cold blooded one. "Before you utter a word, you better close that window James." I said through chattering teeth. His eyes widened and he quickly closed it.

"See I cant even do that right, I cant do anything right." He was yelling… loudly, but I don't think it was directed at me. "I have never done anything like this before, I don't even know why I'm here god damn it. You're a fucking human." the last part made me flinch. I already new how disappointed he was that I was human. "I feel like we're on a roller coaster ride Bella. Every time I leave, I tell myself that I will not come back here. You are not important enough to come back here." He was closer to me, his eyes narrowed and staring right back into mine. I could feel myself on the verge of tears.

"I know this already James, I know I'm not good enough, you already made that crystal clear." James growled and started to pace, very quickly, he was more like a blur running back and forth across my floor.

"Don't you see Bella, if I really believed that, do you think I would be here right now. FUCK." he screamed loudly, he was stopped in the middle of my room, hands in his hair, glaring at my floor, I was surprised it didn't wither up. "I don't know how to do this Bella. I don't know how to act or be caring. I know I feel something for you, but I don't know if I am built to do something about it." He looked up at me, with sad eyes, I didn't know what to say.

"I know its hard James, I get it if you cant be with me." I said my voice shaking.

"Damn it, why the fuck is this so messed up, I should have killed you when you were eight." He raged and threw one of my new lamps across the room, hitting the wall beside the bathroom door. My tears started to slip down.

"Than why don't you just do it, and get it the fuck over with." I said in a defiant voice. James was over me in a second his body was pinned to me.

"Is that what you want Isabella..?" he question his lips close to mine, our eyes locked. He looked so angry. "Do you want to be my food, do you want me to drain you dry? Suck the fucking life out of you?" he was screaming so close I wanted to cover my ears and close my eyes, maybe hum a song just to block him out.

"Of course I don't." I whispered, shaking my head quickly, my lips quivering. James eyes softened and he growled again. He lifted himself up and kneeled between my legs, his hands resting on each side of my stomach. He was still staring at me.

"You see Bella, every time I see your lips quiver, or the hurt in your eyes, it makes me want to take it away. I don't want to see you hurt. But I am the one who keeps hurting you…" he shook his head closing his eyes tightly. "I fucking left you, after taking your virginity away, like it was nothing." He then opened his eyes again "It did mean something to me Bella, it meant everything to me. More than anything I have ever experienced." He grabbed a hold of my hands an pulled me up, so I was straddling him.

"You confuse me James, and you really hurt me, you could have at least told me you were leaving, you made me feel special and like you cared, then you ripped it away from me." I buried my face in his neck pulling myself closer to him, while he let me. James wrapped him arms tightly around me, and breathed in deeply.

"I'm sorry Bella, I'm sorry I don't know how to do this. I want so badly to be with you, but I don't know if I can." I held him tightly and nodded. We sat like that for awhile, with James running his hands through my hair. "Your place looks great bye the way, I haven't been in the Christmas spirit in so long, I almost forgot about it." James mumbled into my neck. I said a quiet thank you and pulled away I got up excusing myself for a human moment.

When I came back out, James was laying on my bed, _he's still here_ I started to walk towards him when I remember his present. What if he didn't like it, or thought it was too much.

"What's wrong, your heart is speeding up and you look a little nervous." James was staring at me with a slight smile. "Did you want me to leave." he asked looking a little put out.

"What no." I practically yelled. "It's not that, I just got something for you, and I don't want you to take it the wrong way." I walked over to my tree , and picked up his present. I held it between my hands, It was wrapped in blue paper, with a golden bow. "Use it if you want, and don't if you don't want to." I said handing it to him and sitting beside him.

James sat up smiling. He pulled me into his lap, my back against his chest. He put his chin on my shoulder and started unwrapping it in front of me. He pulled the bow off and stuck it to my arm then very delicately pulled the wrapping paper apart.

Once unwrapped he was very still holing it in his hands and he wasn't breathing or speaking, and I knew I had over done it, I did too much.

James gently moved me from his lap and stood up, still holding his present. "What is this Bella?" he was now facing the window not meeting my eyes.

"Its yours, if you want to come here, than you can come through my front door, or if you feel uncomfortable than come through the window, like I said it's up to you… and the journal is yours, write however you want, maybe one day I can read what you have written, since you have clearly read all mine." I had gotten him a journal, with his name embroidered on the front, and a gold chain with my key on it.

"I don't think I can do this Bella, you giving me this…" he held up the chain with the key dangling from it. "It doesn't make me feel all warm and fuzzy, it makes me want to run away, what do you think I'm your boyfriend or some shit?" He scoffed and I suddenly felt like a total moron, it wasn't what I thought when I gave it to him.

"I was thinking more along the lines of not having to fix my window lock every time you feel like invading my space." My voice was rising. I was embarrassed and hurt. I stood up and walked over to him snatching the stupid offending key and chain from his loose grip. "Never mind James, it was stupid of me to consider that." I flung my window open, finally remember what the hell I was wearing. "You should leave."

James looked like I had just smacked him. "You want me to leave, because I don't want a fuckin key, Jesus Christ Bella, what did you expect? I see a key and start jumping for joy. I can barely admit I like to fuck you, why would I want that." I flinched at that, this man was full of burns, I just couldn't seem to keep up with him. "And you think I would want you to read my personal shit, you wouldn't like what I write, I would be writing about all of you unforgettable flaws." He spat right in my face. I shook my head there would be no more tears not tonight.

"Leave James, I can only handle being treated like shit so much in one day, and you just topped up my quota." I said sarcastically trying to hide the hurt. He pulled the window from my hands a slammed it too hard.

Next thing I know the glass in the window is breaking and falling all over the floor, the shards landing around my bare feet. "Fuckin GREAT." James roared. The sound making me jump. My foot stepping on a shard of glass. The pain tore through me and I screamed.

James eyes went wide when I screamed, then they went pitch black. I looked down and blood was pooling around my foot _fucking great_. I couldn't move or I would step in more glass. James threw his hand forward and shoved me really hard, I hit the wall above my bed and slid down. My vision blurry. I was slumped over on my pillows. Everything sounded off, like I was in water.

James growled and pulled my foot towards him. He stuck his tongue out and licked the cut on the bottom of my foot. I used my other foot to kick him, I hit him square in the jaw, he didn't even flinch. He just looked up at me and smirked. "You taste amazing." I opened my mouth to scream but James was quicker. He covered my mouth and nose with his one hand while the other moved my hair. He ran his nose along my neck. There was blackness around the edge of my sight. I struggled to breath, even just a tiny bit of air, but his hand was solid granite and not budging. I was suffocating and fast.

James breath was on my neck, I could feel his tongue snake out and lick along it. This was it, would I die of suffocation, or lack of blood. My vision was almost completely gone. I was kicking my legs wildly, trying to hit any piece of him, to try to get him back to me. But he was too far gone. He was in monster mode, and he would stay that way until he was done feeding.

I guess he would be sucking the fucking life out of me, after all. One of the last things I thought before losing consciousness was. _MERRY FUCKIN CHRISTMAS_. I closed my eyes, giving in to the darkness when I heard.

"No James, STOP" Then I was out.

**Ok there ya go, Hope you enjoyed it, this will probably be my last chapter until the 26th****, my Daughter and I are spending Christmas at my parents, **

**So please review and HAPPY HOLIDAYS.. **

**Oh and don't forget… MERRY FUCKIN CHRISTMAS he he he**


	12. Ch12 Fuck Up!

**Stephenie Meyer Owns These Characters!**

**Enjoy!**

Chapter 12: Fuck Up!

James POV

I opened up the present kind of excited, I hadn't received a present in a very long time. When I looked at it, I was a freaked, did I not just tell this girl how I was so screwed up. There was a blue journal with my name on it, and on top was a chain with a key on the end. I moved Bella and stood up. "What is this Bella?" I was unseeingly looking out the window.

She told me it was mine if I wanted to come here, like I was her fuckin boyfriend, I wasn't even human for fuck sakes, and letting her read my thoughts… even the thought about it made me feel vulnerable, I was already feeling that enough lately.

"I don't think I can do this Bella, you giving me this…" I looked at the key dangling in my hand, it felt like it was burning me. "It doesn't make me feel all warm and fuzzy, it makes me want to run away, what do you think I'm your boyfriend or some shit?" I scoffed at her, I could see the hurt in her eyes, but couldn't seem to stop myself.

"I was thinking more along the lines of not having to fix my window lock every time you feel like invading my space." That made sense, but I still felt uneasy, this whole thing spinning out of control. I wished she would have just kept the stupid present under the tree. She got up quickly and gracefully, and pulled the chain from my frozen fingers. Telling me it was stupid to consider, while flinging her window open. He nipples instantly hard, and me losing focus on our little tirade. Then she asked me to leave. _me _to leave. I was pissed, what the fuck did I do to her? So I didn't want a stupid key.

"You want me to leave, because I don't want a fuckin key, Jesus Christ Bella, what did you expect? I see a key and start jumping for joy. I can barely admit I like to fuck you, why would I want that." I watched her flinch and could not stop myself from continuing. "And you think I would want you to read my personal shit, you wouldn't like what I write, I would be writing about all of you unforgettable flaws." I spat close to her face. The second I said it I regret it, I was taking personal nightmares from her journals and making it reality. All because I couldn't accept the fact that she told me to leave.

"Leave James, I can only handle being treated like shit so much in one day, and you just topped up my quota." she tried to say sarcastically, but it sounded forced and sad I knew I needed to fix this, I didn't come to make her feel like shit.

I pulled the window from her hands to close it, because she was looking cold and uncomfortable in her small thin pajamas. But because of my temper and strength I slammed it too hard, glass shattering everywhere all around Bella's feet. I yelled "Fuckin GREAT." Loudly, Bella jumped from my voice. Then she cried out. I instantly panicked afraid she was hurt, then I smelled the blood. I went from caring, to wanting to drink her dry, instantly.

I threw her against her bed and watched her slide down like a rag doll, smiling at her, smelling her blood. I pulled her foot to my mouth licking along the cut. I damn near shuttered at the taste.

I heard Bella take a breath, about to scream, so I covered her face bringing my nose to her neck, licking it tasting it, before I bite in and drink from her beautiful pale form. He legs were moving frantically and so were her hands, it made no sense I wasn't even hurting her…yet. Then Bella's body began to sag, I could hear her heart beat slowing and I couldn't feel her chest moving with breath. I couldn't figure out why.

I stopped breathing, and then started to gain my composure, what the fuck was I doing.

"No James, STOP" screamed the pixie Alice while running into the room. She was running towards me and grabbed a hold of my arm. I looked at her confused until I realized that my hand was stopping Bella's air supply, I wrenched it away and looked down. Bella's lips were blue and there was a harsh handprint around her nose and mouth from where I held her. I gasped and looked at Alice, wondering what the fuck to do. She leaned forward and breathed into Bella's mouth while holding her nose. Bella responded quickly gasping and coughing.

I stood by the window still holding my breath, Alice looked to be holding hers too. Bella was slowly coming into consciousness. Alice looked over at me and glared. "Fuck up again and I will not hesitate to rip you apart James. She is my sister and my best friend." I just nodded not knowing what to say. She smiled and pointed at the glass on the floor. "Clean this shit up now, and cover Bella up, she will freeze if you don't. I'll be back with plastic for her window."

With that Alice was gone and I leaned my head out the busted window taking a deep breath then covering Bella up, her heart beat had gone back to normal, and she seemed to just be sleeping instead of unconscious.

I quickly cleaned up the glass and washed the blood off of the floor with one of her towels, making sure to not even leave a trace behind. Alice came back with plastic for the window and cream and a bandage for Bella's cut. She told me to put it on Bella while she fixed the window. I nodded and did it quickly. When I breathed again the smell was way less and I could breath without worrying about hurting her…again.

Alice was quickly done with the window and was now standing in front of me, her arms folded and her eyes narrowed. I stayed starring at the floor with my hands in my pocket, not having anything to say. "If the only thing you want to do with Bella is to hurt her both physically and mentally, than you need to leave and never come back, but if you do care about her, and your just having a hard time understanding that yes, you too, can feel compassion and love. Then maybe you need to find a way to tell her… without lashing out at her and making her feel like shit." I just stood there like stone, not knowing what to say.

What do I feel for her, what do I want with her. When I try talking to her, I get so mixed up and then I get pissed at her. I looked over at Bella's sleeping form and beside her on the bed was the journal she had gotten for me, my name was reflecting the moonlight and I knew what I had to do.

"Well now that that is settled…" Smiled Alice. "I will leave you to write, but I swear to god James, if you keep being such a Fuck Up, I will take you out, regardless of how Bella feels about you. You will be the death of her if things don't change." With that cryptic message, she turned and walked out the front door, closing it quietly behind her.

I walked over and picked up the journal, then I grabbed a pen from her bedside table. I sat beside her on the bed.

I sat there for several hours, staring at the blank page and then at Bella, her bruised face looked awful, and I felt so sick with what I had done. I was wondering what I could write that would tell Bella how I felt. I didn't quite understand how I felt myself, so how can I tell her. So I wrote of how I felt when she was around, and how I felt when she was not.

I wrote of how I felt when she was upset, or angry. I wrote about the way I saw her, and why I felt the need to make her feel insecure.

By the time I was done I had only filled out two pages and the sun was coming up. I could feel Bella stirring beside me and I wanted to leave before she woke. I lay the Journal on the pillow beside her and got up to leave from the window… till I realized that wasn't a possibility with the plastic stapled in place. I knew I had to leave through the door but I didn't want to leave it unlocked. I looked over at the key and chain on the side table… where I had placed it after cleaning the glass up. I walked over and picked it up, swallowing my damn foolish pride and walked to the door. I closed and locked it smoothly, and then slipped the chain around my neck, the key hung over my chest, right beside where my heart would be. The feeling of it, made it feel like Bella was close to me, and I all of a sudden am wondering why the hell I made such a big deal out of it. I didn't even thank her. I would go there later, I would apologize to her, and I would thank her.

**Ok there ya go it is a shorter chapter… hope you enjoyed, Bella's POV will have what James actually wrote in the Journal…. Now I just gotta think it up haha..**

**I hope you all had a Merry Christmas!!**

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	13. Ch13 Ultimatum!

**Stephenie Meyer Owns These Characters!**

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Chapter 13: Ultimatum!

Bella's POV

When I woke up, I was sore, every inch of my body was aching. I put my hands on my throat, feeling for a puncture wound but there was nothing. Well holy hell I wasn't dead. I sure was sore though. Probably from trying to kick the shit out of someone who was as hard as granite. I rolled my eyes at my stupidity. I turned my head and noticed James' Journal. I got up and limped to the bathroom, ignoring the shit out of that ass holes journal. I drew myself a hot bath, and soaked in there till the water was frigid.

After getting dressed I looked in the mirror, I had a harsh bruise that covered my lover face, I shook my head and walk away, not wanting to look at it. I made myself some breakfast and sat at my table, staring over at the journal on my bed. I wanted to open it, I knew it would say something, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

I turned my television on and sat there not really watching it just thinking about everything that unraveled the night before.

It was starting to get dark out and I was falling asleep on my couch, I heard a loud knock and knew it was Alice. I got up and walked over flinging my door open. "I'm not staying Bella just wanted to say in a very polite way, read the fucking journal already." my eyes widened and I started to laugh. Alice never spoke like that.

"Fine fine I'll read it… anything else pixie." She just shook her head and left. I closed the door and laid down on my bed, getting comfortable then I grabbed the journal and opened it.

_There is nothing I can say or do to tell you how sorry I am. There are things that I don't understand, things I feel about you that shouldn't even be possible. _

_I almost killed you a couple hours ago, and not the way that you think. I stopped myself from biting you but didn't realize that I was suffocating you. _

_I am looking at you right now, a bruise across your face, a bruise I created. Alice ran in and pulled my arm, it was only then that I realized what I was doing. _

_I sit here and think about what I would do without you, it makes me sick to think about that, sick to think that I might have to live without you. Ever since you were eight I was always in your life until you were a teen, even though you didn't know it._

_I am at a loss with my feelings right now, and I have tried to stay away from you, but I just cant. When I slammed that window, my intention was to stay, to apologize for my behavior. The things I said to you were horrible. There really is nothing bad I can say about you or your supposed 'flaws' you are perfect to me, everything about you blows me away._

_The way you look at me, makes me want to melt. I want nothing more than to hold you, to love you, to treat you the way you should be treated. I just don't know if I can._

_I need to be in your life Bella, please give me another chance, please._

_James_

I sniffled a little, surprised at his kindness. I held the journal to my chest tightly. Wishing James would just show up already.

At midnight James came in through my door, with my key around his neck and looking rather sheepish. I was drowsy and smiled lightly at him. I was not going to say anything about the key, I was just glad he used it. I moved over so James could lay beside me, he swiftly locked my door and came over.

James slid in beside me and we lay there staring at each other, not talking, just staring. After awhile he reached his hand up caressing my face, where the bruises were. His eyes were sad. "I'm so, so sorry Bella. I feel awful that I did this to you."

I smiled softly at him and shook my head. "It's fine James, I'm ok, don't dwell on something you cant change." His brows furrowed and his mouth opened, but instead he just nodded. As he ran the pad of his thumb across my lips, I kissed it. His eyes darkened slightly and he leaned forward, replacing his thumb with his lips. It was a slow, loving kiss. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he pulled me close to him. Every part of our bodies touching. It didn't go any further, we didn't rip each others clothes off. We just stayed like that, wrapped around each other. I fell asleep to James peppering kisses all over my face, and whispering "Goodnight Bella." I moaned and snuggled into him more.

I slept peacefully that night, in the hard embrace of James.

I woke up and groaned at the bright light. I could feel something tightening around me, my eyes popped open and there was James, holding me tightly. I had my leg wrapped around his waste, my one hand in his hair. I smiled up at him "You didn't leave." I said in aw.

James smiled back and shook his head. "I didn't leave." we lay there for most of the day, besides me and my human moments. Not much was said. We just enjoyed the closeness of each other.

I knew there would be a serious talk and it would be soon, the longer we stayed quiet the more tension built. It was getting dark when James finally broke the silence.

"We need to talk Bella, figure this out." I nodded into his chest, breathing him in before pulling away and sitting up. James followed suit and sat beside me.

"I want to be with you James, I want to be yours, and you mine." I said this confidently and his face went blank.

"What like your boyfriend?" he scoffed and I rolled my eyes at him.

"Well I think boyfriend could be one term, although maybe not totally accurate." I said. He looked at me with a raised eyebrow. "Well do you mind if I am with other men? Or if I go on dates with other men?" I questioned. He growled and his hands clenched. I snickered at him. "that's exactly how I feel when I think about you with someone else. So it's either you suck it up and call me your damn girlfriend, or you can give me the damn key and take off, because I will not let you hurt me anymore. I have feelings you know." My voice was getting louder. My frustration was leaking out.

"Are you giving me and ultimatum?" James questioned.

"Yes I guess I am." I mused, I was not one to make people choose, but enough was enough.

James stood up quickly and paced across my floor. His muscles tense. Obviously he was not used to someone telling him what to do. Although I should know that, he was a vampire that had no one to answer to.

I threw myself back down on my bed and covered my face, not wanting to watch him pace anymore. "Why the fuck do you have to make everything so difficult." James growled. His body quickly covering mine. I was about to yell at him to get off but he quickly leaned down and kissed me hard, effectively shutting me up. "Fine Bella, I can be your boyfriend, your lover, your mate. Whatever the hell you want, just don't ever talk about other men ever again." He growled the last part. I giggled softly and wrapped my arms around his neck, deepening the kiss.

James pulled away and looked at me. "I'm no good at this Bella, and I am bound to fuck up a lot… can you handle that?" I nodded and whispered a yes before bringing his lips back to mine.

**A lil something for you guys to read… hope you enjoy… **

**Looks like James is Finally getting it.**

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	14. Ch14 Forgotten!

**Stephenie Meyer Owns These Characters!**

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Chapter 14: Forgotten!

James POV

Bella mentioning being with another man, was enough to seal my fate, I would be forever hers, because there was no way in hell, I would let any other man touch her.

"I'm no good at this Bella, and I am bound to fuck up a lot… can you handle that?" I told her as I stared into her large brown orbs, we were clinging to each other, as if our lives depended on it. 'yes' She whispered and I allowed her to pull me to her, our lips connecting once more.

Our kisses were slow and deep, my hands on either side of Bella, holding myself up, so I don't crush her. Bella's hands were cupping my face, thumbs rubbing slow circles on my cheeks, causing little sparks of warmth to shoot through me.

I lowered my weight between her legs and Bella moaned, as my erection rubbed against her sensitive center. She wrapped her legs around me, pulling me even closer, I moved so I had one of my forearms supporting her, the other hand moving down her side. I reached the hem of her shirt and put my hand underneath, feeling her soft smooth skin. Moving my hand back up I cupped one of her breasts, instantly happy there was no bra in the way. I ran my thumb over her nipple and she cried out, arching her back into me.

After that things weren't slow, I ripped Bella's shirt down the center, she gasped at that and then groaned. She reached down and pulled on my shirt, wanting to get it off of me. I helped her by tearing it off of myself. I then removed her bottoms and panties at once. Bella made to reach for my jeans but I shook my head, wanting to taste her first. I ran my tongue up her slit, feeling her slickness coat my tongue. I moaned into her from the amazing taste and Bella arched her back into me. When she reached for my hair, I grabbed a hold of her hands with my own and held them to her sides, running my tongue over her again and again.

Bella was moaning and shaking, begging 'please' over and over again. I finally looked up at her, I made eye contact with her and stuck my tongue out, licking her clit. Bella's eyes turned dark and when she spoke I could hardly recognize her voice it was so strained and lustful. "I need you inside me now James." She ground out. I would have loved to have said no, or teased her more, but the way she spoke had my knees weak. I tore my pants off with one hand and covered her body with mine quickly.

I put my cock at her entrance, feeling her heat. Bella moaned and lifted her hips pushing me inside her. I growled and moaned, then pushed inside the rest of the way. She was so snug, I had a hard time not cumming right then and there.

"Fuck Bella, your so tight and so wet." I moaned into her hair. She gasped at my words and I knew instantly she liked dirty talk. I grinned and moved my face to kiss her mouth hard, and slip my tongue in. She moaned again and sucked at it. The fact that Bella was Tasting her juices just drove me crazy. I was pushing my cock inside her, deep and slow thrusts. I pulled my mouth away from Bella's and spoke again. "You like my cock inside you Bella, your like your hot, tight little pussy to be fucked by my cock." Bella moaned louder and grabbed my ass.

"Yes oh god yes James, please I - I - I need you to go faster, oh please please." Well damn how could I say no to that. I started moving faster, I wrapped one arm around her back, holding us close together, my other hand between us rubbing her clit lightly. Bella's body was heating up more, and I could feel her starting to clench.

"Cum for me Bella." I whispered in her hair, still rubbing her clit. She did just that, she came and shook and cried out. I continued to thrust into her. Wanting to see her cum again before I finish. I leaned my head down sucking in one of her breasts, the other still rubbing her very sensitive bundle of nerves. She was getting close once again, and now so was I. After several more thrusts, we were both pushed over the edge together, clinging to each other and moaning, chanting each others names.

I rolled to my side, pulling Bella with me. Our body's still connected. "That was amazing." She said in a shy voice, and I chucked at that, talking dirty to her two minutes ago and there was no blush in sight, now it is back. I kissed her forehead, not able to hold back a satisfied smile.

"It really was. Fuck Bella, you are such a little vixen." I told her, her blush darkened and she buried her face in my chest. I slowly pulled out of her, because I was starting to get hard again and I did not want her thinking I wanted more… although if she said she did I would gladly do it. Bella moaned as our connection broke, and I instantly felt like we were too far apart. I think she felt the same way because she immediately threw her naked leg over me and wrapped her arms around my neck. Her breasts once again pushing against my chest. "I'm not going anywhere this time Bella, I promise." I told her sincerely. Thinking maybe that was part of the reason why she moved closer.

"I know… but I just felt like we weren't close enough." She said looking a little unsure. "I can move if you want." She said looking into my eyes, slowly removing her leg from my hip.

I grabbed a hold of her leg and pulled it back, but pulled too far, and my again very hard erection rubbed against her clit. Bella and I both gasped and she moved her hips trying to position us again. "I wasn't trying to do that…" I told Bella, into her neck. "I just didn't want you to move away from me."

"I want to James… I want you." With that I swiftly entered her again. Both on our sides facing each other. I held her ass firmly, squeezing it every time I thrust into her. We didn't last long, and when we were done, Bella fell asleep almost instantly. Still wrapped around me.

That night she moaned my name a lot, she also rubbed against me obviously having a very good dream. I kept myself in check, knowing she needed sleep, but good lord did I ever want to.

The next day, Bella and I went for breakfast, or at least she did, I watched her glorious mouth accepting foods, she would lick her lips and I damn near came undone. Bella started laughing at me at one point and I realized I was mimicking her actions…every time she would open her mouth I would open mine. If I could blush, that right there would have made me. We were on our way back in her crappy truck, when Victoria jumped in front of us. I yelled for Bella to stop, but her reflexes were not as good as mine, not by a long shot.

Victoria was smiling smugly as Bella ran into her. The truck started to crumple. I threw myself around Bella as good as I could. Trying to keep her from getting hurt. But once the truck stopped I knew I hadn't succeeded. Bella was unconscious, bleeding badly, I didn't even have the fucking urge to bite her, or drink her already spilled blood. I just wanted it to stop.

Victoria jumped in front of Bella's door and ripped it open. "So this is why you haven't been around since the party, this is why I haven't seen you in over a month? You forgot me over a pathetic, human girl." Victoria was pissed and she was reaching for my Bella. I jumped out quickly, attacking Victoria to the ground. "What the fuck are you doing James." She screeched, not prepared for me to stop her. "She smells fucking good, and I want to taste her NOW." I didn't budge.

"No way in hell, will I ever let you drink Bella's blood, I will kill you first." I told her in a calm voice. "So you can either leave, or I will kill you, I will rip you apart and burn you." Victoria looked hurt and I didn't care one bit.

"We are Mates James, how can you say that." I just shook my head at her she knew we weren't mates, we were companions at best. I grabbed a hold of her neck and started to twist. "OKAAY Okaay I will leave, please James don't kill me." Victoria was panicking, her voice loud and scared. I nodded and stood up.

"Get the fuck out of here NOW." I yelled, Victoria glared one last time, huffed at me, then disappeared through the bushes.

"_James_" I heard Bella gurgle out. I was scared I didn't know what to do, who to call, could I change her, would I be able to change her without killing her, does she want to be changed. I was at her side, moving my hands around her, hovering over her, not knowing how or where to touch her. All the blood was coming from her back, there was no other scratches, or cuts or wounds. I moved her slightly to look at her back and I realized a metal bar from under the seat bent up and was now sticking in her back, and from the gurgling, it hit her lungs.

"Fuck I don't know what to do Bella." I was shaking now. Petrified of losing her. "Where the fuck is Alice when you need her." Bella smiled lightly, her teeth and lips coated with blood. "I don't know if I can change you Bella, what if I cant stop?"

Bella looked at me with sad eyes. "I trust you James, I trust you with whatever you deci…" Her word was cut off from a strange wet cough, blood started to pool out of her mouth and I knew I had to act quick, as if on cue her heartbeat started to stutter. "And if you do accidentally kill me, it will be fine because I am going to die anyway." She wheezed out, and that did not give me confidence at all. I looked around, hoping maybe I would see Alice come zooming up, no such luck. I grabbed Bella's hand and brought it to my lips, kissing it gently.

"I love you, Bella." Bella's eyes widened and she was looking right at me. "I will love you forever." Bella smiled soflty.

"I love you too, James." I turned her hand over and stared down at her wrist, wondering if I can really do this. Chanting in my head over and over again that I can not live without Bella… hoping that would help.

I kissed her wrist and opened my mouth, putting my teeth to her skin, before putting pressure.

**Wow I know what a nasty cliffy lol, I just couldn't help myself!!!!**

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	15. Ch15 Urge!

**Stephenie Meyer Owns These Characters!**

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Chapter 15: Urge!

Alice POV

"Oh Edward I miss you so much, you should come back to visit. You're my best friend, besides Bella." Edward sighed on the other side of the phone. His decision was wavering and I knew that because I could see him coming back, then I would see him not.

"I don't know let me think about it… how is Bella? Would she be alright with seeing me and Tanya? I know they got along fine, but I don't want to hurt her."

I snickered at that. "Oh trust me Bella is absolutely fine with it, she has umm… moved on." I said. Edward was silent on the other line. I knew he would be jealous, Bella would always be his first choice.

"Oh.. Well… that's good, I mean its good that she is with a human man now she can get those… urges taken care of." I was silent for a moment trying to figure out the best way to tell him that not only was Bella having sex with a vampire, but he was a vampire who drank from and killed humans.

"Well, he isn't a human actually… he is a Vampire… the blonde guy the one who saved her as a child, his name is James, they are together."

"WHAT?" Edward roared. "She is with a Vampire who kills humans for food… what the hell is she thinking… how could you let her do this." Edward growled out, I could tell his teeth were clenched.

His comment pissed me off Bella was an adult. "I didn't let Bella do anything, she isn't our lap dog she does what she pleases. Not to mention he makes her happy Edward… like really happy." Edward growled into the phone but didn't say anything.

Then I had a vision Bella's truck destroyed, Bella in the drivers seat with blood dripping from her lips, James is holding her wrist looking pained and unsure… "I don't know if I'm strong enough to save you Bella." He whispered into her wrist. He opened his mouth and positioned it. I could see that if he could shed tears he would be at that moment. Bella started to convulse in her seat, eyes rolling in the back of her head.

I gasped as my vision ended. "What Alice? What's happened?"

I hung up without answering and bolted out the door, running towards the accident. I kept chanting in my head 'please have the strength James, please' as I got closer I cold smell Bella's blood and hear her slow unsteady heartbeat. "James." I yelled as I came into view. He looked up when he was about to bite. "Do it NOW." I screamed. His face changed from scared to determined and then he bit down

I heard a low rumble from his chest when her blood hit his tongue.. He was losing control _fuck_ I ran forward until I was right in front of him. "James stop, she already lost a lot of blood." I told him, trying my hardest to keep control myself. James' eyes flickered to mine and he growled. "YOUR GOING TO KILL BELLA." I screeched loud. Bella gasped at that moment, and started to moan.

"James, please, stop." She whispered out, it sounded wet and wrong. James' eyes moved from mine to hers, and shock registered on his face. He pulled away quickly and let out a strangled sob. He quickly moved to her neck and bit again, this time quick and sealing the wound.

"I'm so so sorry Bella." He sobbed into her neck. He then leaned up and kissed her lips. Bella weakly kissed him back. "I love you so much Bella, I am so sorry this had to happen to you. I'm sorry I lost control, I'm sorry I almost killed you." Bella shook her head minutely and raised her wobbly hand to James' face. She pressed it to his cheek and James instantly placed his hand over top, holding it there.

"We need to get her somewhere else, but first the damn metal bar in her back needs to be removed." I said it quickly and James nodded. Just then her heartbeat started to pick back up and Bella started to scream… the change has begun.

James wrapped his arms around her and pulled her from the twisted metal that was once her truck, Bella screamed fiercely when he pulled her from the bar, and James whimpered from her pain.

I told James to follow me and we took off into the woods. After several hours of running, and Bella screaming, we came across our home in forks. Carlisle and Esme would be there and I would call my beloved Jasper to join us too.

James stopped for a second feeling hesitant I'm sure. I thought for a minute thinking that may not be the best plan, then I decided to bring him to the cottage in the back instead, it hadn't been used in awhile and wasn't in the greatest shape… but it would do for now.

We ran another ten minutes until we got to the doors. I opened it for him and showed him to the small bed in the back bedroom, thinking of how much I wished we had redone this sooner.

As James lay her down, Bella reached out and clung to his shirt. "Don't leave me." She whimpered to him. James then moved her over so he could lay beside her.

"I'm not going anywhere love." He stated before kissing her lips. I excused myself and ran to the main house to tell Esme and Carlisle what was going on.

"Esme, Carlisle." I spoke out before I even opened the door, by the time I was inside they were staring down at me from the top of the stairs. "Listen Bella was in an accident and James had to bit her to save her, so she is in the cottage with James right now, but she is in so much pain and I don't know what to do."

Esme's eyes went wide and Carlisle immediately went to doctor mode. He grabbed a few things from his office and started towards the door. "You two stay in here, I don't want James to feel overwhelmed, that would just make things more difficult for Bella." I nodded and so did Esme.

As soon as Carlisle was out the door I pulled my phone out and called Jasper. "What's wrong baby?" He asked knowing something was wrong.

"Bella is being changed right now, I need you at the house please." Jasper said a quick okay and hung up the phone.

I walked outside and sat on the porch, listening to the distant screams of my Best friend. I don't remember my change, but I heard other vampires talk, I knew it was the worst pain imaginable.

My phone rang and when I looked at it I was groaning, this was going to be one hell of a phone call.

"Hey Edward, I'm going to tell you something, but I don't want to hear a fucking peep out of you understood?" Edward grunted in response. "Bella was in a horrible accident and James had to bite her to save her, she is changing as we speak." I then stopped, I figured getting right to the point was better than anything.

Edward was quiet for a long time, not a breath, or a single movement on his part. After several minutes, he finally spoke. "Do you think she would want me to come there, or should I leave it up to James?" he questioned, sounding defeated, he knew the answer before he even asked.

"It would be best for you to stay there for now, but I'm sure in a couple months she will want to see both you and Tanya." I was being honest, I knew Bella was happy that Edward had someone.

"Okay, just… please keep me updated, I don't like being in the dark." He softly spoke, then the line went dead.

I didn't have to wait much longer for Jasper to show up. He could feel my turmoil and sat beside me, before pulling me into his lap. "She will be alright, remember this is what she wanted, Bella has never been a normal human…I think that maybe she was destined for this." Jasper whispered in my ear, as he calmed me with his talent. I snuggled into him further, nodding my head… I knew the truth in his words, Bella always wanted to be a vampire. I think since she was a child when James saved her, she wanted to be like him, an equal to him, he was always her home.

I sat there in Jasper's lap for a full day, almost fully still, with the exception of a kiss here and a whisper there. We went hunting the next day, Jasper's eyes were nearly black since I had interrupted him from his hunt the day before, and I didn't want to let him out of my sight.

Rosalie and Emmet had showed up at the house just before we left and they were pacing back and forth, Emmet was worried for her, he was in total big brother mode.

We went for a long hunt, gone for the whole day, I had a vision of when Bella would wake up…eleven hours and fifty minutes. I called Esme and let her know.

By the time we got back, we had less than an hour to wait. So we went to the cottage and went inside, standing in the bare living room which only held a small loveseat and nothing else, was Emmet "Where is Rosalie?" I asked. Emmet just shrugged, and looked a little put out.

We heard her heartbeat pickup fast, it stuttered, Bella screamed one last scream, then it stopped, everything stopped. I flitted down the hallway, Jasper and Emmet, close behind, not able to contain my excitement, but when I did that I spooked Bella. She Jumped up and crouched in front of the bed. Growling loudly and standing in front of James, almost as if she were protecting him.

I smiled at her slightly and put my hand up in a surrendering manner. "It's okay Bella, its me Alice. I mean no harm, you know that." Bella's eyebrows furrowed and she slowly loosened up. After several very still minutes, she stood quickly. He eyes bugged out, not used to her quickness.

I took another step towards her wanting to hug her, but she growled and stood in James path once more. It didn't just look like she was protecting James, she was protecting James.

His eyes grew large when he realized Bella's protectiveness and he raised his hand putting it on her shoulder. She instantly relaxed and leaned back against him. "It's okay Bella, they don't want to hurt me, they want to see you." He cooed to her. Bella smiled slightly and turned to face him. She put her face into his chest and hummed against him.

"I'm sorry James, I just feel so… so.. Uptight, or on edge." She stopped and put her hand to her throat. "I sound like Bells." She mused, James smiled and nodded, before leaning down to kiss her.

"Okay guys enough with the lovey dovey stuff, I want a hug damn it. Bella snickered at my lack of patience and turned around.

She took a step towards me, and I ran to her. She stiffened when I wrapped my arms around her, but she accepted it. After a couple minutes she pried me off of her and took a step back.

"Christ Alice, you would think I haven't seen you in a year." She complained. I just shrugged. I missed her.

"So what do you say my beautiful vampiress, would you like to go hunting now?" James questioned. I got a vision at the same time, Bella running towards a teenaged girl and grabbing her hard, breaking her ribs and an arm, before sinking her teeth into her delicate neck. James was near by, watching her, and smiling.

I gasped and looked up at James, feeling fucking murderous.

"She is not going to kill humans you moron." I screeched. Bella's eyes went wide when she realized what I was saying.

"No no no James, I cant kill humans, I want to be a vegetarian." Bella stated, looking like she was feeling uncomfortable.

"It's okay Bella, you're a vampire, our food is human, its natural." Said James looking smug.

Bella stood there looking back and forth between us. Biting her lip. Looking nervous.

_What have I done?_ I asked myself, before Bella jumped out the window beside her and took off in the woods, with James hot on her tail.

**Hmm What does Bella decide??**

**Hope you guys enjoyed, I have been reading a fanfic the past couple days, been wrapped up in it which is why I haven't been writing. it's a Jasper/ Bella. Check it out its called **

**'Colliding Meteors' by IdreamofEddy She is a great writer… making me think of writing a Jasper Bella story next tee hee**

**Review Please…!!**


	16. Ch16 Chosen Path!

**Stephenie Meyer owns these Characters!**

**Enjoy!**

Chapter 16: Chosen Path!

James POV

I took off out the window following my beauty, I felt smug, she was going to go the natural route. As we got closer to the outskirts of Forks I could hear a single heartbeat, and so could Bella, she growled lowly and started running faster, I had to push hard to catch up to her, but when the tree's cleared I realized where we were.

She slowed down, and walked into the back yard. She was slowly stalking her prey, once we got to the patio, I didn't know if I should or even if I could stop her. "What do you mean, Bella is missing?" Questioned the man inside. "You need to find my daughter." He sounded angry.

"Oh god." Bella choked out. She stopped her breathing instantly. She turned to me and I could see the hurt. "How could you let me come here." She whispered out before taking off back into the woods. I was surprised that she was able to stop, she had crazy will power for a newborn.

"I didn't realize it, until we were already here." I stated matter of factly as I ran beside her. "Fuck Bella, how did you just run away like that, you're a newborn, you aren't supposed to have any control."

Bella looked over and smiled at me. "I guess my love for him outweighs my bloodlust." I nodded and then heard another heartbeat, this one was quicker, it was not human, it was an animal. Next thing I know Bella crouches and springs forward. I watch her as she takes down a female deer, drinking her, until she was dry. "Well fuck James, why were you bitching, this tastes pretty damn good." She stated snickering at me.

"That shit is nothing like human blood." I said, thinking she was crazy.

"Oh really, Have you even tried to live off of animals?" She questioned looking quite amused.

"Fuck no, that is nasty… you do what you gotta do babe, but leave me the fuck out of it." I was getting annoyed now.

"Hmm, maybe you just aren't strong enough." She shrugged, looking away. "Not everyone is strong enough to take it." She was just patronizing me now.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" I growled. Bella just shrugged and batted her dark eyelashes, her red eyes glowing brightly. "I am fuckin strong enough Bella, I just choose not to."

Bella just looked sad. "You can be honest with me James, you don't have to lie about it, I wont think of you any less as a man." She sighed.

I knew she was playin, I knew she was trying to get a rise out of me, and it was fucking working. "I could do it if I WANTED TO." I bellowed out. Bella just smiled mischievously and walked over to me. She ran a hand down my chest and over my now stirring dick.

"Then show me." She squeezed and then let go. I growled at the loss. "I want to see you try for…. Hmm." She tapped her chin in though. "A year, one year without human blood. If you cant stand it, than go back, but you might be surprised at how well it is, once you find what animal you like the best."

My eyes bugged out of my head. "A fucking year, are you kidding me." Bella raised her eyebrows.

"You have been around for well over a hundred years, a year will be like nothing." She stated.

"Two hundred and eighty nine actually." I said quietly. "Fuck Bella, I don't know if I can do this." I told her truthfully.

Bella just shrugged again. "Think about it, let me know when you make you decision."

"Fine." I mumbled, now thinking deeply, wondering if I could really do that, if I could really convert to a fucking vegetarian. I ran with Bella for a couple hours, she picked off a couple more deer, and was having the time of her life.

I caught scent of a bear and decided to try it out, so I took off for it. It was big, and it was a dark brown. I tackled it easily and I ripped its fur from its neck, biting into the artery. It slid down my throat nicely, the burn in my throat lessened quite a bit, and by the end of it, I did feel full. The taste wasn't half bad, and I started to wonder if maybe I could do this. How much better I would feel without killing humans, the sorrow I felt deep down as I watched the light in there eyes go out.

I sat there for several minutes, staring at the bear in front of me, but not truly seeing it, instead I could see myself, with golden eyes, and a smile on my face, living around and interacting with humans.

Bella put her hand on my shoulder, pulling me out of my reverie. "So how was it, was it awful." She asked half teasing but I could hear the anxiety behind her words.

"It wasn't bad at all." I told her honestly. I pulled her into my lap, and nuzzled into her hair. "Okay, I will try, but I cant promise I will be able to last… With that being said, I will give it my best and truest effort." Bella pulled away slightly and smiled brightly.

"I wouldn't expect anything more James, thank you, for trying this for me." She looked as if she may cry if she could, and I chuckled.

"Okay, lets get back to the cabin, before everyone thinks you may be massacring the town, with me by your side."

Bella giggled, and it sounded almost magical. "Sounds good."

Once we got back, everyone was grinning like fools. Obviously Alice told everyone about my one year of vegetarian lifestyle.

"Well man, good luck, I hope you stick to it." Said the big guy named, Emmet as he pounded me on the back. I nodded to him, feeling slightly overwhelmed, I didn't want anybody touching me, vampires don't usually get that close, with new vampires, this coven was a lot different.

The blonde man holding onto Alice spoke up. "Okay everyone, lets leave these two alone, there emotions are all over the place and they need alone time."

My brows furrowed, then I remembered reading something from Bella's journal, about Jasper the emotion reader. So that must be Jasper. "First lets introduce everyone." Said Alice. "James, this is Rosalie, Emmet, Esme, Carlisle, and Jasper… Everyone, this is James." We all said a quick hello, and then they left us in piece.

Bella went straight for the old ratty shower, and I was almost disgusted with the looks of it, but then again, I had seen worse. "Shower with me." Said Bella, in a seductive tone. I nodded dumbly, wanting more than anything to feel her again.

She found towels and clothes in the back room, of course Alice would know. I turned the shower on for her, she was afraid to break the taps. I quickly undress and stepped into the shower, I watched as Bella tried to delicately take her clothes off, but instead she tore the shirt down the center, and the pants were ripped from the crotch to her ankles, she gave up and ripped her panties and bra off fiercely and any laughter coming from me, stopped entirely, now I was feeling fully aroused.

I pulled her to me and wrapped her legs around my waste, entering her quickly. Bella threw her head back and growled loudly. She pulled me to her with such force that it hurt slightly. Our rhythm was quick and brutal. I threw her against the tiled shower wall, the tiles beneath her breaking away. She wrapped her hand in my hair and stuck her tongue in my mouth. After several minutes of vampire speed, hot and wet sex, Bella came violently, her beautiful pussy clenching around my cock, milking me and bringing me to orgasm. I thrust inside her, Bella screamed loudly and bit into my neck, the sting of her venom only spurring me on more. With a couple more deep thrusts I came hard. I stood there for several minutes, holding my Bella close to me. Once we were out and dried off, Bella walked to the bedroom, naked. I was in fuckin heaven. It seemed her shy and awkwardness was disappearing. "Fuck your sexy, if you want to walk around naked all the time, I don't mind." I told her. Bella turned around and grimaced, I realized she was uncomfortable. I asked her what was wrong.

"I cant get dressed, I'll just rip it." She practically whispered out. I held back my snicker, seeing her so uncomfortable, it was not the time.

I quickly ran to the bathroom to grab the folded clothes she placed in there. It was a pair of black lace panties, soft grey lounge pants, and a short sleeved stretchy red v neck shirt.

I walked over to her and knelt down in front of her. I slowly lifter one of her feet and slipped her panties on one leg, than the other, before sliding them up in place. Bella placed her hands on my head and I looked up at her. She held lust, and desire, and love. I leaned forward and kissed her now slightly covered core.

Bella's hands gripped my head harder, and I decided to play a little more before dressing her. I slipped her panties back down and off of her one foot, raising that leg over my shoulder. I gripped her ass to me and started to suck wildly on her clit, Bella cried out, and started moving her hips. I licked and sucked at vampire speed. Then stuck my tongue deep inside her, letting my teeth scrape against her clit. Bella bucked wildly and started to convulse, clenching around my tongue. I held her like that, licking up all of her delicious juices.

After she came down from her orgasm I moved her leg back to the floor, and pulled her panties back up. This time I skipped kissing her covered core. I slid her pants on next, then I stood up, pulling the red material over her head, I helped her lightly put her hands through the arm holes. I kissed each beautiful mound before pulling her shirt over and concealing her glorious breasts.

Bella sighed and leaned up kissing me hard on the lips. "I love you James." She mumbled.

"I love you Bella." I told her back. I did love her, so much.

**Okay here it is, hope you enjoyed!**

**Review Please!**


	17. Ch17 Strength!

**Stephenie Meyer Owns These Characters!**

**Enjoy!**

Chapter 17: Strength!

Bella's POV

I had known that the change would be painful, I was aware from the stories I heard from Edward, Emmet and especially Rosalie, that it would be the most horrifying pain ever… But even that didn't prepare me for the pain I felt, the burning I felt, it was like I was literally burned from the inside out. Like I swallowed a pint of gasoline followed by a huge fireball, and I slowly burned away, I thought by the end of it, my skin would be scorched and there would be nothing left of me… but when I looked in the mirror after all was done, I looked more beautiful than I ever had before. I stood in front of the mirror for a good 5 hours after James had dressed me, since I clearly didn't know my own strength.

For awhile James stood there with me, silently.

My eyes were a deep crimson, but with small specks of gold in them, from my feed earlier I was guessing.

I was proud of James for trying to turn vegetarian, I didn't think he would actually go for it, I knew I was pushing him, making him sound wimpy, I just couldn't believe it worked. I knew deep down the only reason he was doing it was for me… but I hoped that he would eventually do it for himself, for a peace of mind.

I heard someone outside the cottage, but no heartbeat, I smelled deeply, thinking it would be James, coming back from talking with Carlisle, but it wasn't, I didn't know this smell, it was new. I growled and crouched down by the bathroom door, waiting to hear more.

"Oh Isabella, where are you?" Came a sing song sickly sweet voice. I knew that voice from just before James changed me. The red head named Victoria. The one who was the reason for my human death.

I got up and moved outside as quickly as possible. If I was still human I would have lost my dinner right there. "What are you doing here." I growled out when I spotted her seconds later, about 30 meters from me.

"Oh I came to finish you off, James is my man, and you are taking him from me, I wont allow this to go on any longer." I was scared, what if she killed me, where is James. Then I realized, I am newborn and this was probably the stupidest thing Victoria could have ever done, I was stronger than her.

I got into a crouch ready to pounce on my red headed enemy, when I caught wind of a second stranger vampire. Fuck she brought someone with her. Before the other vampire came into view I pounced on Victoria. She was quick and almost twisted out of my hold, but my newborn strength and my instincts stopped her quickly. I grabbed a hold of her face twisting it as it sounded like twisting metal, Victoria was screeching, clawing at me trying to get me to stop. The minute her head was removed I heard a male Vampire yelling angrily behind me. I turned just in time to see him grab at my arm, pulling me off. I dropped Victoria's head trying to shake off the dark Vampire. He was trying to rip my arm off, then James came into view, charging at the Vampire. Knocking him away from me, and away from my half ripped off arm. It felt strange and weak. I cradled my arm to me. Staring wide eyed as James ripped the man apart. The rage in his eyes unfathomable.

After he was finished with the male, he ran to Victoria's twitching form. She was flailing her arms, her head was several feet away, and her eyes were focused on me, glaring, her lips pulled back, teeth bared. A low choked growl leaving her throat. James quickly piled them both together and started a fire.

I just stood there in a daze, feeling a little out of sorts. "Are you okay Baby?" James questioned, he was now standing in front of me, cupping my face with his hands. I nodded and looked down at my arm. James eyes widened and he lifted me up bridal style, bringing me to the Cullen's really fast. "Carlisle are you there." Called James he seemed a little unsure, but very determined.

Carlisle showed up seconds later gaping at me. "What happened?" he questioned eyeing James suspiciously. I rolled my eyes at his ridiculousness.

"It was the same one that ran in front of my truck… but she is gone now… " I said in emotionless voice. Carlisle looked back at me, stunned.

"How did we not hear it happen?" Carlisle questioned, I shrugged because I sure in the hell didn't know.

Carlisle told James to bring me inside, and he checked out my arm, he told me just to keep from moving it for a couple hours and it will heal itself.

So James carried me back, with me protesting the whole way, but I was secretly loving it, he was being so caring. After getting to the cottage, Alice was standing outside looking worried and flustered. "I'm so sorry I didn't see it sooner Bella, I feel like I keep failing when it comes to you… I was so caught up on what you would think about the renovations that I didn't catch that red headed bitch, coming after you." I snickered at her commentary.

"It's fine Alice, it did feel pretty good ripping her head off… what do you mean renovation?" I questioned not really liking the situation at all.

"Well Esme and i are going to redo the cottage… so you are gonna have to stay in the main house for a week, and I wont take no for an answer James so don't even try."

James growled into my neck and nodded. Before I could protest he turned around and bolted back towards the Cullen's. "Damn Pixie gets on my fucking nerves." James said quietly, and I laughed at him. She gets on everyone's nerves one time or another.

I was glad that we would not be living at the Cullen's but also happy that they were close by.

Once we were inside the Cullen's I told Carlisle what was going on. He laughed heartily and told us to sleep in the guest room, which was my room when I used to stay some nights.

We didn't have to sleep, which was strange but it was still nice to have a little privacy, even if it is just to sit and stare at each other.

James closed the door to the room and pulled my good arm to him, holding me tight and kissing my eye lids, forehead, cheeks, lips. "I'm so sorry I didn't come sooner, I cant believe I left you alone like that, I never should have come to talk to Carlisle.." I cut him off kissing him deeply, and then pulled away.

"Don't apologize for something you had no control over… and when I told Alice I enjoyed ripping that bitches head off, I meant it. You showed up before anything serious happened to me, and I need to learn how to take care of myself, I am more than capable." James was staring at me with sad thoughtful eyes.

"I know you can take care of yourself, I just want to be the one to do it, I want to take care of you, and be there for you, regardless of whether or not you can do it yourself." His voice sounded pained and I didn't know what to say. So I just nodded and kissed him again.

I knew there was a lot about James I didn't know yet, but we would have the rest of forever to figure that out. As for right now.. We just had to get through the next few days of living under the same roof as the Cullen's. One very recently turned Vegetarian rogue vampire, and one skittish newborn… oh fun!!

"So are you going to tell me what was so important you had to race away to talk to Carlisle?" I asked. Earlier after James had dressed me and held me, he excused himself quickly and took off like a bat out of hell.

James looked down, looking far too nervous all of a sudden. "Um maybe we can… uh.. Talk about it later…" I was about to tell him hell no tell me now but he looked up into my eyes and said "Please Bella, when I am ready I will tell you, but as for right now, I just don't think I'm ready." I nodded because of how serious James looked and decided to store it away for later conversations. Maybe Alice would know.

**I know it's a little short, but I hope you liked it. I know the other story had the cottage in it too but really, it's a cute little place for them he he…**

**Review Please!**


	18. Ch18 Talks And Losses!

**Stephanie Meyer owns these Characters!**

**Enjoy!!!**

Chapter 18: Talks And Losses!

James POV

I stood in front of the mirror with Bella in front of me, staring at my beautiful vampire, goddess. Her Ruby red eyes, her long brown hair flowing around her, she looked like her still, of course. But all of her already amazing features were enhanced by the change. She was the most beautiful vampire I had ever set my eyes on, Rosalie looked like a mere ugly stepsister compared to my amazing Bella.

I excused myself after awhile, letting her know I needed to speak with Carlisle. She nodded blankly, still trying to take everything in. Running to the Cullen home was too quick for my liking. I wanted to talk to Carlisle about making Bella mine, in every way possible. The thought feeling foreign to me, it had been a long time since I had felt so human. I hadn't been married in my human life, but it was something I wanted very much. My human self was the very opposite of how I lived my vampire life… until now.

Now I had a ring sitting in the back of my pocket, in an old beat up velvet case. It was the only thing I had kept with me since my human life. It was a thin gold band with one large diamond and two smaller ones on each side. My mother had given it to me on her death bed, asked me to find a good woman, no matter how long it took, to put her ring on their finger… well it took a lot longer than I had thought, to find the perfect woman, about two hundred years longer.

I knocked on the house door, and in seconds Alice opened the door with that sad and annoying all knowing grin, and called Carlisle over her shoulder. I shook my head and Carlisle welcomed me in seconds later, inviting me to his office on the second floor.

"What can I help you with James?" Carlisle asked with a little light in his eyes. I could tell he was happy to see me coming to him. I took a deep breath and exhaled loudly, even though I really didn't need it, nor did it help my nerves.

"Well I don't really have anyone… and you are the closest thing to… a father for her, that I can talk to anyway." I was stuttering and stumbling over my own words. Feeling at a loss. Carlisle leaned forward in his chair, and put his elbows on his knees, his eyes locked with mine, freezing me. Why did I feel so nervous about this? "Well I guess I am here to ask for your permission… to ask Bella to marry me." I said, my voice coming out in a mere whisper near the end. Feeling like I may jump out of my skin. Carlisle's eyes widened and then narrowed. He looked angry. I was taken aback.

"Now I understand you have feelings for Bella, but your kind of vampire does not stay in one spot well, what will that mean for Bella, she will not want to be on the run all the time. I would like to tell you yes, that I give you my permission, but I would be lying to you James, I just don't think you are the best thing for Bella." He looked over at a picture, and I looked over to see what he was looking at. My eyes widened when I realized why he didn't want me to change, why he didn't want Bella and I to be together. There on his desk was a picture of Bella and Edward, holding onto each other. Edward looking completely in love, and Bella looking into the distance. I shook my head and stood up. Smiling bitter to myself. Esme burst into the room not even two seconds later glaring cold daggers at Carlisle.

"I cant believe you would jeopardize Bella's happiness for Edward, don't you see the way he looks at her?" she bellowed out to. "Or how about the way our daughter looks at him. She loves him, and he loves her just as much." Carlisle shook his head and looked down. He was looking annoyed and angry. I shook my head at these two. Feeling utterly ridiculous, and completely unsure now. The last thing I ever wanted to do was to hurt Bella, I love her more than anything.

"You know what…" I said standing rigidly, feeling very protective over mine and Bella's relationship. "I may not be anywhere near fuckin perfect… but I love that woman more than anything, and I will do everything in my power to love her the way she deserves it, I will keep her happy for the rest of our existence, whether you be involved in that or not is up to you, but all three of us know that _Edward_ is not the one she wants to be with, nor does he make her happy." Carlisle opened his mouth to speak and I forcefully put my hand up to stop him, and a low growl slipped out. "NO Carlisle, I understand that Edward is like a son to you, and Bella is like a daughter, and I am obviously some dirty intruder on your perfect life. But Bella didn't consider it perfect and she wasn't happy. I am not saying it as to be conceited, I'm saying it because I know it is true. Bella is happiest with me, and I am happiest with her." I turned around and started to walk away when Esme's little hand lightly grabbed a hold of my shoulder.

"Please James, I don't feel the way Carlisle feels. You make Bella more happy than I have ever seen her before, and in time Carlisle will see that." Carlisle groaned, and hung his head, and I nodded saying a quiet thank you. "Please stay with us, we are going to redo the cottage for you and Bella, you are our family James, and I am so proud of you and your change." I felt the truth in her words, and felt thankful, knowing that I cant just take Bella and leave, it would hurt her more, because they are her family.

"Thank you Esme, we would love to stay." Esme smiled brightly, and skipped out of the room ahead of me.

"I'm sorry James, I'm sure Esme is right, in time I will like you more, it is just going to take awhile." I nodded and turned around, feeling drained and no longer happy. With slumped shoulder I ran down the stairs and out the door, as soon as I was outside, I could smell Victoria, and Laurent. I took off as fast as I could towards the cottage and my reason for existing, when I got closer, I could hear the sound of tearing metal, and knew that a vampire was being torn apart. I choked back a sob, scared as hell that my Bella would be in pieces because of my past, but when I heard Laurent scream and rage, I knew my Bella was the one on the winning side. As I broke through the last of the trees, I could see Laurent trying to pull Bella's arm off, I slammed into him and began to tear him apart angry at how close I was at losing her. After I finished Laurent off I went to Victoria's twitching form and ripped the rest of her limbs apart. Her eyes still locked with Bella. I grabbed her head, by her flaming red hair and piled them both, before lighting them up and watching them burn. I turned and seen Bella running to her and cupping her face, asking if she were okay, I looked down at her and seen her with her arm partially removed and felt sick to my core.

I picked her up quickly, and flew to the house, calling out to Carlisle when I got there. He came out with accusing eyes, and I almost bit his head off. After telling him what happened and getting her taken care of. I ran her back to the cottage, Alice was there standing outside our cottage, looking regretful. As soon as we were stopped Alice started to apologize profusely, about not seeing Bella's attack. Bella dismissed her, and told her she was fine. I felt proud of Bella, she was glad she got to rip Victoria's head off and so was I. Alice had told us she was starting to redo the cottage so we had to stay in the main house. I was not impressed but carried Bella back. Carlisle laughed, but it sounded a little dry… to me anyway. After telling us to take the spare room, I brought Bella up there to rest.

I pulled her to me, and apologized for not getting there sooner, feeling the full impact of the days events. Angry with myself for leaving her in the first place, it did nothing for me anyway. Bella refused to let me blame myself. I couldn't bring myself to argue with her, I just wanted to hold her.

"So are you going to tell me what was so important you had to race away to talk to Carlisle?" She asked while eyeing me suspiciously.

I took a deep breath, knowing I wasn't in the right frame of mind, to ask her now, feeling doubtful. "Um maybe we can… uh.. Talk about it later…" She opened her mouth to say something and I spoke up again, needing time. "Please Bella, when I am ready I will tell you, but as for right now, I just don't think I'm ready." Bella looked saddened and nodded. I took a deep breath and pulled her close to me. Breathing in her sweet scent. Bella leaned against me, her bad arm cradled between us. It was already starting to mend, and in several hours it would be back to normal.

I walked Bella to the bed and laid her down beside me. Holding her close. Humming contentedly. We lay that way for the rest of the day. Just wrapped up in each other. In absolute silence. Late into the night, Bella started to run her hands up and down my chest, her arm fully healed. She wrapped her one leg up over my hip, and pulled me closer, my now very noticeable erection, ground into her core. We both moaned at the contact, and I flipped her so she was on her back, hovering above her. Bella reached between us and removed my shirt quickly, only making it to my head before ripping it in half. Her tinkering giggle filling up the room and my heart. I smiled down at her, my torn shirt in her hands, she would be blushing right now if she could. I leaned down and kissed her deeply, my hair falling in her face. I felt my love growing for her, even more, looking at her, seeing her smile, I couldn't picture myself without her.

"I love you so much Bella." I said staring at her. Her eyes glossed over, with tears she could never shed.

"I love you too James so much." She whispered, running her hands down my back, I shivered and leaned my forehead to hers. Her hands ran down my ass and they stalled. Bella reached into my back pockets, her brows furrowing, when her hands reappeared with the old velvet box, my breath caught. I thought of ripping it away, but then I realized that I want her forever and I lover her so much, and she loves me. Bella opened the box, while I stared down at her. "What is this James." She said, and her voice had a slight quiver.

"I love you so much, My Beautiful Bella. Marry me, do me the honor of becoming my bride, spend eternity with me."

Bella gasped and looked up. Her eyes held so much emotion in them I could barely look into them. She opened her mouth and nothing came out. I started to panic, what if she said no, until her face broke out into a huge smile and whispered. "Yes James, yes I will marry you, and spent the rest of my existence with you."

I smiled back widely and started to laugh, with happiness, I took the ring from its confines, and slid it on her ring finger. Bella stared at it, moving it back and forth, watching it sparkle. I sat up and pulled Bella with me, kissing her hard. Bella wrapped her arms around me and squeezed me tightly, and ripped her shirt and bra off, both our pants following rather quickly. I entered her quickly, and held her close, we rocked slowly, kissing and loving bringing each other to our earth shattering orgasms. Afterwards we stayed together. Not wanting to lose our connection.

"Thank you James, you make me so happy." She whispered against my ear. I smiled against her skin. Knowing that I was right earlier, when I told Carlisle how we felt about each other.

**There you guys go, hope you enjoyed it!!!!**

**Please Review!!!**


	19. Ch19 Happiness! CHAPTER REDONE!

**Stephanie Meyer owns these Characters!**

**Enjoy! OMG SERIOUSLY I JUST RE-READ THIS STORY AND REALIZED I ALREAY PAIRED EDWARD UP WITH TANYA... AND SHE WAS ON GOOD TERMS WITH HIM, MY BAD... SO I AM OBVIOUSLY REWRITING SOME OF THIS CHAP... SORRY AGAIN GUYS**

Ch19 Happiness Comes From Within!

Bella's POV

I was standing there in front of the mirror again, something I did quite often since the change, and even better was the ring reflecting back at me. I felt whole, I had never been so happy, before I couldn't have even imagined this much happiness existed.

Don't get me wrong my life isn't perfect, and James gets upset and cranky over nothing lately, but I have to think of it as a chain smoker quitting smoking… James has quit human blood, I'm sure I would be cranky too. But as I look into the mirror I see myself clearer and I feel so much better about my being, inside and out. I love myself, I loved myself before the change… and it all has to do with James, he let me be me and made me feel beautiful for it.

We had been engaged for six months now, and Alice has decided it is time for us to tie the knot. I am feeling excited and nervous and flustered, but most of all, I feel the happiness flowing through me, and around me. Today is the day I become James's wife for the rest of our existence.

"Woman, step away from that mirror right now, and get that amazing dress on." Chimes Alice through the bathroom door. I have perfected the art of getting dressed without ripping them to shreds, and I smile brightly when the dress slips on like a glove. It feels amazing against my cold hard skin, a beautiful satin white simple dress… perfect. I slip my low heels on and open the bathroom door. Alice begins clapping and squealing frantically. "Ohh its perfect, I knew it, I knew it would be amazing."

"Of course you knew Alice, you can see the future." I say while rolling my pink dusted eyes. Alice's eyes flash, but she says nothing, as I snicker at her. "Okay pixie, bring me to my husband to be." I tell her while grabbing her arm.

I wanted a very small wedding, with only the family there, and the JP doing the ceremony. Alice walked me to the back yard, and I finally caught sight of James, he looked nervous, but his smile was bright, and breathtaking. I had seen him smile lots, but this one smile beat them all. I smiled back brightly, as Alice handed me off to him. James honey colored eyes stared down at me, and it reminded me of how much he will do for me, my smile stretches wider, and if I were still human I would fear that my cheeks would ache.

The ceremony is quick, and I'm wrapped in James's embrace quickly. Kissing him passionately, that's when I smell it, the sickly sweet stench of Edward, since becoming a vampire, his smell did not affect me positively anymore, it was too sweet. I pull back and growl. "You guys are late, you missed the ceremony." I mock glared as Tanya came into view. Edward looks sheepish as he walks forward, with his tail between his legs, and Tanya's usually perfect hair, looked ruffled and had twigs in it.

"Bella, did not mean to come here late, but Tanya, umm- distracted me." He was stuttering like a fool, which made me laugh loudly. I looked over to Alice who was staring back at me giggling.

"Sure Edward, whatever you wanna call it." Tanya huffed loudly, looking embarrased.

I grabbed James hand and started walking away from everyone. "We are going to make this Marriage legit… if you know what I mean." I laughed and winked at the group. Emmet's loud boisterous laugh was catching, as we sped away to our little cottage. We had been doing renovations on it, and it has turned into quite a dreamy home.

"You never cease to amaze me." James whispers in my ear. I look at him and raise a single eyebrow. "Your reaction to Edward, I would have thought you would be a little jealous, since you were together for quite some time." He told me, his eyes seemed a little sad. I grabbed his face and pulled him close to me.

"I'm yours and only yours, I have absolutely no feelings for Edward, my heart, my soul, hell my very being is all yours, every piece of it." James smiled brightly once again and pushed his lips against my own. I giggled against him and pulled him onto the bed roughly, hearing the bed break and crash to the floor beneath us. I giggled louder. "Oops, I guess I still don't know my own strength." I told my smirking husband, before ripping his shirt from his body with one quick tug.

I would say, and we lived happily ever after, but we have a long life ahead of us, and I have no idea what is in store for us… so for right now I'm going to say to be continued…. You never know you may hear from us again.

**THE END…..OR TO BE CONTINUED**

**Sorry I messed up so bad with the Edward thing guys! But now it is fixed! Review.**


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